Posted November 16, 2007 in News


I’ve got soul, but I’m not a soldier.



Rep. Mary Bono and her Democratic challenger David “Not Lee” Roth spar during a meeting of the Riverside Press-Enterprise editorial board—a bit odd on the surface, because, even though both candidates are firmly in bed with the monied power-brokers of the greater Palm Springs area, the district they’re vying to capture also includes the far less chi-chi working-class bedroom communities of Moreno Valley and Beaumont. Much nanny-nanny and neener-neener talk ensues, until Bono farts off this damning missive: “You just moved here because you wanted to run for Congress!” Roth, however, pussies out completely by not responding with the obvious “But you’re only in Congress because you were fucking Cher’s ferret-faced ex-husband, and his Special Olympics-quality skiing ability is what set you up for life!” Instead, Roth accuses Bono of failing to get enough money for the district, which is disappointing on the surface, as it’s precisely those kinds of high-scandal-potential earmarks that got Randy Cunningham sent to the pokey, and have also tainted Redlands Congressman Jerry “Not the ‘Hey, Lay-dee-ee!’ guy” Lewis.



Colton city councilman Ramon Hernandez is busted on 24 felony counts by the San Bernardino DA’s office on allegations that he misused his city-issued credit card and cell phone by calling hot, steamy phone sex lines, ringing up over $5,000 in charges. There were also dozens of motel room charges, too, in surrounding cities like Fontana, Montclair and Ontario (hmmm . . . we know local traffic is horrific, but he couldn’t sleep in his own bed?). Typically, the IE mainstream rags report only the basic details of the arrest, but NBC4, of all places, is the only one that reports that the calls—hundreds of them—were to a gay porn hotline. Then we hear more info, and everything suddenly makes sense: Hernandez’ background as a youth minister, his somewhat high, affected voice, his “Ramie” nickname. . . obviously, Hernandez is one of those people—a Catholic



Pluto is apparently screwed as one of our nine planets, but the combination of a nothing news story and the deathly dull media days of August can still pack a punch—at least when it comes to the IE’s gaggle of unfunny newspaper humor columnists, who insist on wasting copious amounts of ink on this useless factoid. The San Bernardino Sun’s John Weeks feigns anger—poorly—in a column in which his sentences rarely run past five words. “Enough is enough,” Weeks scribbles. “We’ve had to give up so much already. Now we have to give up a planet, too?” Over at the Temecula-centric Californian, John Hunneman—who’s named his column after the rancid ‘80s Starship album Knee Deep In the Hoopla, which is probably why we’ve avoided reading him up till now—also waxes unfunny: “Boy, take one day off and the solar system loses a planet.” Meanwhile, the Inland Valley Daily Bulletin’s David Allen takes the high road by avoiding Pluto altogether, instead stirring up reader passion with this philosophical treatise on an upcoming appearance of hunchbacky rocker Eddie Money: “I think Money should share the (so to speak) bill with 50 Cent and Roseanne Cash.” See our local columnists here all week, two shows a night—and don’t forget to try the fish!



Sixty anti-illegal immigration types—oh, let’s just call them Nazis—take to Old Town Temecula, waving signs and carrying on about the usual Big Brown Menace. “This is not Mexifornia!” reads one placard, clearly aimed at the small group of day laborers nearby, even though, inconveniently, not all the laborers are illegal—some produce permanent resident ID cards when asked—and, even more inconveniently, not all of them are brown-skinned. “They’re stereotyping everyone here as illegal immigrants, and not everyone here is an illegal immigrant,” says laborer and certified White Guy Jeff Jones to a reporter from the Californian. Still, this doesn’t stop one rabid, frothing honky from declaring that illegals “rape our children.” Two points: Immigrant-rights supporters should raise a stink and protest this weekend’s NASCAR race, saying that it’ll just bring in hood-wearing, cross-burning, Confederate-flag-waving Klansmen; and why don’t people in Temecula get upset about stuff that really gives their town a bad rep—like how Temecula is where Tom Metzger’s White Aryan Resistance is headquartered?



A speeding nine-car train loaded with toxic goo derails in San Timoteo Canyon. The day before, another train derailed just south of Grand Terrace. It’s a regular hitting streak—can we go three-for-three?



Dee-nied—it’s a derailment-free Monday! (Though it’s only mid-afternoon as we write this, so there’s time.) But hey, over in Fontana, a bunch of busybodies are pissed that a Home Depot might be built in their ‘hood—not because of the noise or the pollution or your nutjobby uncle who thinks he can carpet the living room his own goddamn self—but because it could attract illegal immigrants. The Temecula kind.   



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