THE RUNDOWN

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Posted November 20, 2007 in News

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 26

Ex-Congressman Mark Foley (R-NAMBLA) is such a closeted, oversexed scuzzball that the only job he’ll be able to land will be on the Colton city council.

 

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 27

Connie Soto, at least, is running for a city council seat in Lake Elsinore. Nice bio: family fled Cuba when she was just six, so she’s got the whole “American dream” angle going for her. But watch out, Con! She also wants to see more “diversity” on the council, a term guaranteed to bring out the frothing, crazy-eyed nutjobs who can’t tell the difference between Mexicans and Cubans, because all brown-skinned people look alike to them. Take “Skip,” who types in—poorly—to the North County Times reader forum “Diversity, another buzzword for ‘Illegal Aliens.’ If there is such a large Latino Population, then why don’t they vote for their representatives? Oh I forgot . . . Non-United States Citizens do not have the right to vote.” And then . . .“Why can’t the NCT write in plain English, as the perception is that this story is about representing Illegal Aliens.” And then, after some clearer-thinking people who don’t read their newspapers between the lines shot back at Skip: “No one said Cubans were Illegal Aliens. This is not about race, but I am still trying to figure out that: “How as a North Murrieta Resident, that if my children were to attend public school, that 40% of the students do not speak English (ESL).” Hey, Skippy—Rundown thinks that, considering your glaring capitalization and punctuation errors in your nonsensical posts, those students probably know English better than you

 

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 28

Some putz—okay, Phillip Charles Stewart—is arrested in Lake Arrowhead after officers pull his pickup over and find meth and pot stashed in baggies, which Stewart tried to conceal up his ass. How exactly the cops found this out, we don’t know, but it has been the object of one of out most cherished porn fantasies for years. 

Speaking of asses, Pete Rose shows his face in Rancho Cucamonga, where he signs baseballs and shakes hands at Sisley Italian Kitchen at Victoria Gardens. The former Charlie Hustle—now Charlie Huckster—does what he does best, complaining for the umpteenth time that he should be in the Baseball Hall of Fame, even though he bet on games, including ones in which the Reds team he used to manage were involved in. He tells the gathered media that today’s players who abuse drink, drugs and their wives (not to mention their mistresses) get second chances, so he couldn’t figure out why he never got one. “It’s very un-American. I’m not whining,” Rose whines. Rundown actually does think Rose should be in the Hall of Fame—4,256 hits are pretty hard to ignore—and besides, Ty Cobb’s in Cooperstown, and he was practically a sheet-wearing Klansman.

 

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 29

Schwarzenegger’s gonna kill you! Governor Grab-Ass vetoes a bill—which passed both the state Senate and Assembly with bipartisan support—that would have imposed high standards for drinking water (yeah, who’d want that?), saying the bill ignores the importance of considering “economic factors” and “technological feasibility” in determining a drinking water standard, blah-blah-blah, hot-air, hot-air. Schwarzenegger—who clearly wants you to get cancer and die—later vetoes another bill that would have protected folks whose cell phones are lost or stolen from being forced to pay thousands of dollars for bogus calls. Cingular, T-Mobile, Sprint/Nextel and Verizon, who’ve given Schwarzenegger—the guy who wants you to file for bankruptcy—nearly $400,000 in campaign contributions (so much for those fearmongering “Special interests are running Sacramento” speeches from 2003), unsurprisingly opposed the measure. It’s enough to make Rundown long for the days when the push-button telephone was considered a high-tech marvel. Meanwhile, as far as the election goes, we’re voting for Angelides, even though we know he’ll lose. By a ton.

 

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 30

Mass suicides, incidents of child sacrifice, cursings of God and an aura of general despondency have permeated Temecula—for the first time in 30 years, the town’s annual tractor race is cancelled.

But screw the Napa of the IE—Rundown makes a day trip out to the High Desert, and has a helluva time gawking at all the charred trees and grassland from July’s Sawtooth Complex fire on the road to Pioneeertown, as well as paying respects at the Gram Parsons shrine at Cap Rock. But the main destination is GramFest in Joshua Tree, where we discovered our new favorite Riverside band, Bucksworth, who play sweet-ass country music like nobody’s bidness. They do cool originals—we liked the one about playing on the Norco railroad tracks—and terrific Gram covers, and we were so touched that we almost went crazy the next day and charged ourselves a steel guitar. Bucksworth are playing a CD release party this Saturday night at the fabulous Fender Museum in Corona. Go see ‘em, and thank us afterwards.

 

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 1

The Raiders: still the Monsters of Suck!

 

MONDAY, OCTOBER 2

This just in! The Lake Arrowhead Mountain News reports that Americans support hunting and fishing! Well, the paper didn’t exactly report this, but the obvious press release they run that masquerades as a news story does. “The nationwide survey, conducted by Responsive Management of Harrisonburg, Va., found support for hunting and fishing has remained strong over the past decade with approximately three out of four Americans approving of legal hunting, and more than nine out of 10 approving of recreational fishing,” the pseudo-story states. So what’s this Responsive Management, anyway? Sez here on their web site “Responsive Management is a nationally recognized public opinion and attitude survey research firm specializing in natural resource and outdoor recreation issues. Our mission is to help natural resource and outdoor recreation agencies and organizations better understand and work with their constituents, customers, and the public.” In other words, it’s not what you’d call an unbiased survey—you’ll never see Responsive Management conducting a poll exploring why hunters are just insecure sadists with tiny penises, for instance. But then, the Lake Arrowhead Mountain News ain’t ‘zactly a bastion of hard-hitting investigative journalism, either. Still, Rundown looks forward to their upcoming winter exposé of just what is it that makes yellow snow yellow.


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