THE RUNDOWN

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Posted November 20, 2007 in News

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 10

Rundown can be a tad tardy at times, but when a story only breaks on a handful of websites and the MSM fails to pick up on it, hey—it’s gotta be news to some IE peeps. Anyway, back in May, Wonkette.com and prolly a few other places tattled on Chesare Bono, son of deceased Sonny (gruesomely murdered in 1998 by a tree that, um, he skied into) and Congresswoman Mary, who reps the 45th district, which includes Moreno Valley, Hemet and Murrieta. Turns out Chesare—he calls himself Chez; his good buds call him Cheese—is queerer than his stepsister Chastity (who’s the daughter of Cher—the Rundown gals and girly-guys do know their divas). Okay, okay—by “queer,” we don’t necessarily mean that Chez has a hankering for hot manmeat, but seriously—check out the lad’s MySpace page at www.myspace.com/12844900, where he’s gone and snapped half-nekkid pics of his rippling, sculpted chest and abs, shorts strategically pulled down just enough so he doesn’t expose his boy bush . . . gay, or what!? And not just gay, but gay in that self-obsessed West Hollywood body Nazi way. Chez is such a twink that Mark Foley had to have bookmarked and drooled over those shots. Chez has edited his site somewhat since big bad media people found out about it, but for his profile, this spawn of privilege had posted this: “hey whats up, for all u who don’t know me my name is Chesare Bono, most people know me as Chez. Son of Mary and Sonny bono, i’ve been born and raised in Palm Springs Cali. I live life on the wild side, i love to party, kick it with the homies, and jam out on the guitar.” Dude! Such skillful spelling and punctuation! (Yeah, we know—as if anyone should expect more from people with MySpace pages.) We sure hope the kid managed to get into USC this semester like he wanted, even if his mom—who voted herself a sweet pay raise to $165,200—whined earlier this year that she wouldn’t be able to afford it. Maybe Chez could help her out by socking away some of the cash he spends on alcohol—even though he’s just 18; he listed “yes/yes” on his profile under “smoke/drink” before he edited it out, anyway, and two of his friends (well, MySpace friends, anyway), posted this note on his page last year when Chez was the Foleyliscious age of 16: “Apr 13, 2005 10:02 PM whats up dude we need to get some pics when ur wasted and put them on here ahahaha were u at skool today? anyways bro ill see u later.” A few obvious questions: Why does Rundown get the uncomfortable feeling that 30 years down the road, there’ll be a president even worse than W? Can’t Mary keep the liquor cabinet locked up while she’s away in DC, or is someone buying Chez’s juice for him? Did anyone at the Riverside Press-Enterprise grill Mary on her views about underage drinking when she met with their editorial board in August? And will David “Not Lee” Roth, who’s challenging Mary for her seat in a few weeks, use this info to spring an October Surprise? (Free answer: Nah—Roth already lost a long time ago by waging a completely balless campaign.) But we’ll keep an eye on Chez for another two years, absolutely—the kid seems destined for at least a couple DUIs. And a lucrative career as a fluffer.

 

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 11

Let’s get this straight: W has clearly subverted the Constitution he swore to protect and defend, lied us into a war which has cost 3,000 American lives because Saddam Hussein “tried to kill my daddy,” allowed the Pentagon to outsource the war so his big business pals could profit, made the entire freakin’ world a more dangerous, paranoid and fearful place to live . . . and yet, somehow, it’s onetime IE resident Adam Gadahn who today becomes the first American in over 50 years to be charged with treason?

 

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 12

Rundown is part psychic, which is how we know Phil Angelides will so completely humiliate himself on November 7 when he loses—majorly—to Governor Grab-Ass. But we knew this as soon as the four-eyed fish-faced flounder announced his candidacy. For one thing, guys who wear glasses simply don’t win elections, especially in Cali. For another, Angelides just looks like someone a casting director would hire to portray a 98-pound weakling who gets beach sand kicked in his face. (Yeah, we voted for Steve Westly, who obviously had the best chance of winning just because he’s, y’know, dreamy.) Since the primaries, Angelides has gotten wussier and wussier. Latest example: using the Bellamy Brothers’ old ‘70s chestnut “Let Your Love Flow” to run behind his TV commercials, something the actual Bellamy Brothers—who apparently aren’t dead yet, though they are mega Republicans—didn’t like, partially because Angelides used a re-recording of the tune with different singers, but kept the arrangement. Much press-releasing from Camp Bellamy has ensued over this, but really, Rundown sees this as a who’s-the-bigger-idiot contest—the Bellamys, for throwing a hissy fit when they know full well the exposure will just make them more money, or Angelides, who’s further branding himself as a complete pussy by aligning with one of the wimpiest wimp-rock tunes of the ‘70s? Wasn’t “Iron Man” or something else with a bit more testosterone available?

 

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 13

In a YouTube world, you’d think somebody with a halfway decent camera phone would’ve posted some awesome video of teenage dipshits kicking each other’s asses during today’s Fontana High race riot.

 

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 14

It’s Day 1 of the two-day Fiesta de la Familia in downtown Riverside. Aztec dancers! Tortas! Mariachis crooning “My Way” in English! And, for some reason, free laundry detergent! But not everyone is feeling festive, particularly several groups—the MECHA clubs from Riverside Community College and UCR; United Students Against Sweatshops; and a couple of human rights orgs—who are calling for a boycott of the Fiesta, as well as the Riverside Press-Enterprise, and were supposed to be protesting from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m. today in front of the Riverside Convention Center (we assume they did; Rundown was too blotto on Coronas to find out). Their beef is partially with La Prensa, the P-E-owned Spanish language newspaper, which the groups claim is openly anti-Latino immigrant in its editorials (Rundown would have loved to confirm this, too, but embarrassingly, our Spanish language fluency pretty much begins and ends with “Yo quiero Taco Bell”). They also say the P-E is “interested solely in the purchasing power of the Latino/Hispanic community and not necessarily our community well-being interests,” and cite a list of damning claims against their editorial board, among them: “The Press-Enterprise reports the Minutemen as some sort of civic and patriotic group . . . condemned the Student Organization MECHA as radical extremist without considering their merits . . . called for the punishment of students that participated in the protest against anti-immigrant legislation without addressing the impact the legislation has for the families of these students . . . (and) called these students ignorant for exercising their constitutional rights.” A’llah knows, there are a buttload of reasons to hate the P-E, but Rundown will stick with our Jeff Girod dartboard.

 

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 15

Fire damages the printing facilities of the Press-Enterprise, causing some $110,000 in damages. We wait for the P-E editorial that blames the Mexicans.

 

MONDAY, OCTOBER 16

Siesta.

 


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