TUESDAY, APRIL 1
Nobody plays a prank on me today, but I feel like a fool, anyway. Force of habit. And then there’s what happened the rest of the week . . .
WEDNESDAY, APRIL 2
A guy who allowed himself and his attorneys to be repeatedly jolted with a 50,000-volt Taser—to prove his claim that police unnecessarily and excessively stunned him with the device while arresting him two years ago—is told by a judge today that his evidence is inadmissible in court. Zzzzzt! George Engman was arrested at the Ontario Mills mall in April 2006 after a scuffle with police, during which the offers repeatedly used their stun guns on him. Engman charges that all that zapping was abusive and that the cops covered it up in their reports. To prove it, he and his lawyers—Peter and Jon Schlueter—permitted police tactics expert Roger Clark to blast away on them with the same kind of Taser. Ouch! That was obvious in the videotape that was shown to Judge Katrina West. But the real pain came when Judge West rejected the evidence, claiming that Clark wasn’t qualified to conduct the test. “We’re disappointed,” says Jon Schlueter said. “But you have to fight the good fight. Sometimes you win and sometimes you lose.” And sometimes you make fools of yourselves.
THURSDAY, APRIL 3
Kyle Skipworth may be one of the best high school baseball players in the country, but the Patriot High School—why did the school change its name from Rubidoux, anyway?—struck out the last time he was up. Yes, he had gotten hits in his previous 18 at-bats—a streak that began on March 17—to surpass the national high school record by Corona High School’s Mike Darr (17 in 1993), and former Minnesota Twins outfielder Shane Mack and Eloy Gonzalez (16). Yep, he’d reached base 25 consecutive times, overall, and is batting .654 for the season. And speaking of the season, Patriot began the year with a 15-0 record. He’s also got a choice between a full-ride at Arizona State and a million-dollar pro contract this summer. And how about his cool name? Kyle Skipworth? This guy is straight out of a comic book! But Skipworth struck out the last time he batted, and Patriots lost the game, 11-5, to Anaheim Canyon. C’mon, kid—pull your head out!
FRIDAY, APRIL 3
Jack Brown, who says he grew from a disadvantaged San Bernardino youth—not that the two necessarily go hand-in-hand—to become the chairman of the board and CEO of Stater Bros., shows up at the Redlands Rotary Club to say it again. “My mother was an orphan,” says Brown. “When I was born she had tuberculosis, and was at the Loma Linda Sanitarium for one-and-a-half years. She couldn’t see me, so my dad would bring me down and hold me up to the window.” Brown’s dad died when his mother was 27. “I am lucky to still have her.” And his millions of dollars, too! “It’s not thanks to Jack,” Brown yadda-yaddas, “but the team got itself together and away we went,” When Stater Brothers opens its 167th store in Cathedral City a few weeks from now, Brown will have 19,000 employees.
SATURDAY, APRIL 5
An 17-year-old employee at the Stater Bros. store in Redlands is punched in the face after reporting a fellow employee trying to steal liquor. Gallant brings the news to a supervisor, who instructs the kid to tell Goofus to put the liquor back. Goofus tells Gallant to blow it out his ass, steals the hooch, gets arrested, then comes back and socks Gallant in the face, giving him a black eye—and then gets arrested again. Meanwhile, over in the produce section, there’s a great deal on asparagus.
SUNDAY, APRIL 6
A rash of strange burglaries at retirement communities leads Banning police to bring a search warrant to the apartment of Larente Ann Murray—the apartment she shares with her darling four-year-old daughter, a mother’s-little-helper if there ever was one—where they recover lots of the stolen property. Murray is arrested for burglary, possession of stolen property and crimes against elders. There ought to have been a charge of—oh, I don’t know . . . fucking up your kid—in there somewhere, too, because Murray pulled her heists by having her daughter distract the old folks with her sweet-little-girliness. Mom would knock on the door and ask if daughter could go pee-pee. When daughter was done with No. 1, they’d get on to stage two—which basically involved the four-year-old acting like a four-year-old. Naturally, that just grandparentized the residents into gaga, giving Murray nothing but time to go through their possessions and grab their cash. The Banning Police Department strongly recommends, “Do not allow anyone into your residence without first providing proper identification or business credentials to facilitate their purpose or visit.” Even if they’re just oh-so-precious.
MONDAY, APRIL 7
A poll in the Big Bear Grizzly asks readers which name they prefer for a proposed park in Big Bear City: East Valley Park, Paradise Park, Bear City Park, some Serrano Indian name or whether they’re Unsure. We’d like to suggest: “Does a Big Bear City In The Woods? Park.”