¡ASK A MEXICAN!

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Posted July 24, 2008 in News

Dear Readers: Gracias, merci, obrigado for the many submissions in our contest asking readers to argue in 25 words why corn tortillas are superior to flour, or vice versa. Below are the winners for some of the cities that carry the Mexican; see the full list at www.ieweekly.com. Don’t see your city, or don’t like the winner? Why didn’t you enter, you lazy Mexican?

 

SEATTLE

Any tortilla mi abuelita makes is good.

 

ST. LOUIS

Corn tortillas are superior. Flour tortillas were only invented because stupid gringos were getting sick eating corn tortillas because they forgot the limewater step.

 

NEW YORK

Corn tortillas come from the domain of the Aztec diosa, Chicomecoátl. Has anyone heard of a goddess of flour? Flour tortillas are malnourished arepas. ¡Guácala!

 

SALT LAKE CITY

Corn is native to the Americas; wheat is an import. Besides, corn masa wears out your teeth faster so you can replace them with gold. 

 

EL PASO

Corn tortillas, because you can use them for more dishes—and, if you mess up when frying them, you can then use them as Frisbees.      

 

SAN FRANCISCO

Whole-wheat tortillas for my gringo comida. Corn tortillas tend to be la variedad blanca de elote, so I make sure I’m not getting Bisquick!

 

DALLAS

Mexicans suffer more from diabetes. Flour spikes glucose like a shot of tequilla. Not so with corn. So they are better. Not funny, just true.

 

KANSAS CITY

Corn tortillas are better because flour tortillas are like the gabachos—plain and boring—yet corn tortillas come in many colors and sizes like Mexicans.

 

ALBUQUERQUE

Real Mexicans eat real homemade corn tortillas. Pasty, white Mexicans eat processed flour tortillas made at the gabacho Mexican restaurants. Then they get food poisoning.

 

DENVER

Tortillas de maíz are the best. There are more in a bag than tortillas de harina and they are delicious con tacos de carne asada. 

 

SACRAMENTO

Corn tortillas are the best. I am allergic to flour, but who can’t eat corn? And how do you pick up your beans without tortillas?

 

LOS ANGELES

Is this a trick question? No one who has ever had a genuine, fresh handmade corn tortilla should ever have to ask such a pregunta!

TOP THREE ENTRIES FROM LOSER PLACES THAT DON’T RUN THE MEXICAN

Corn is the dominant grass on the planet. Wheat is the choice of fey Euros. Make muchas tortillas, not ethanol, gabachos. Word to your madre.

 

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Masa is what our ancestors used for almost everything; flour tortillas are only an innovation that drunken frat boys consume for their late night burritos.

 

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Corn tortillas are better because the Indians were eating them before the Spanish came and weren’t fat. Because of flour, we are fat as hell! 

 

ORANGE COUNTY

Why are corn tortillas better than flour? First and foremost, flour is way unhealthier than corn. More importantly, because I fucking said so. The end.

 

Get all your Mexican fun at themexican@askamexican.net, myspace.com/ocwab, and youtube.com/askamexicano!

 


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