The Hesperia Star acknowledges an error in its Dec. 23 issue, noting that it “failed to include the specific dates for recent Kid’s Planet job interviews.” The paper sincerely apologizes—but a lot of us wonder if that’s good enough, anymore. After all, this is the paper’s fourth error this year. The others were on Oct. 7 (when it “incorrectly stated that city council candidate Russ Blewett owns property in the High Desert”), April 24 (when it incorrectly stated that “Soya Japanese Restaurant was the lowest-rated restaurant in Hesperia;” actually it was a seven-way tie), April 15 (when its obituary for Hesperia High student Michelle Ann Thompson incorrectly reported that she was a senior who was born at Loma Linda University Medical Center instead of a freshman born in Hemet) and April 8 (when it “mistakenly said that principals at Hesperia Unified School District sites made the final call as to which teachers would receive pink slips. In fact, officials at the district office made the decision.”) Oh, wait—that’s five errors. My bad.
WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 31
Roger Bowman seems to have an explanation for everything, and usually that explanation is: “It’s a miracle!” That’s how Bowman perceived the smudges on his doggie door a couple of years ago—the ones he insisted formed the image of Jesus Christ. That’s how he interpreted the meaning of those images, and the timing of them—as a message to keep his two dogs, just as he was about to take them to their likely death at the dog pound. And that’s how he explains the $1,185 he just got for selling the door on eBay. A miracle! Well, we’re with him on that last one. Bowman says he let his supernatural pooch portal go to the highest bidder because his wife lost her job and they needed a way to pay the mortgage until he found one. Not to worry—things didn’t get that bad; she’s found another . . . and now that I think about it, doesn’t having your wife support you while you’re doting on doggie doors kind of qualify as a miracle, too? Meanwhile, all the divine intervention didn’t do so much long-run good for one of Bowman’s dogs. He ultimately had it killed, anyway.
THURSDAY, JANUARY 1
Southern California dawn bursts gloriously across the TV screens of Americans in frigid areas across the country, via the Rose Parade and football Bowl game between USC and Penn State, and no doubt lots of people from everywhere else start thinking of moving here. That’s been the our curse for generations, but we’re getting better at counteracting it—basically by making life miserable for them when they get here. Yep, just-concluded 2008 was the fourth consecutive year in which more people moved out of California than moved in—in fact, 135,173 more. Just goes to show the value of all the chaos we’ve been expertly choreographing—from that billion-dollarly-unbalanced state budget to our cat-fighting legislature to congested highways to skyrocketing unemployment to crumbling infrastructure to massive housing foreclosures to a governor with an unintelligible speech impediment to USC somehow being incapable of putting together four consecutive good quarters of football. What? All this is not choreographed?
FRIDAY, JANUARY 2
Hmmm, what to worry about on the second day of a new year . . . howzabout the invasive quagga mussel? Works for the Big Bear Lake Municipal Water District. And if you repeat it a few times—invasive quagga mussel, invasive quagga mussel, invasive quagga mussel—it can work for you, too. Actually, there’s nothing quite like a little nonsensical double entendre to get 2009 off to a subliminally innuendoish start—but the invasive quagga mussel can actually do a lot of damage. At least, that’s what she said. Huh? But really: How about destroying fisheries, damaging watershed and . . . overheating boats? Aw, yeeeaaah. That universal Quagga Prevention surcharge that the Municipal Water District plans for boat permits in 2009 sounds like it’ll be worth every sexy penny.
SATURDAY, JANUARY 3
A 55-year-old worker in a Victorville market is arrested on suspicion of bagging more than groceries. Geneva Macon is charged with stealing wallets from some of the elderly customers at King’s Ranch Market. The box clerk had what everybody thought was a rather nice habit of helping some elderly customers out to their cars—usually before they even asked for help—and allegedly used the opportunity to help herself to their wallets and change purses. Slick! Macon later contacted victims and offered to have their possessions returned for a price. Stupid!
SUNDAY, JANUARY 4
Neil Diamond performs a concert before 10,000 people at the Citizens Business Bank Arena, and naturally Riverside Press-Enterprise entertainment reporter Vanessa Franko loves it. “The new arena has been attracting area residents, such as married couple Crystal Jewel and Mark Kirstein, of Colton, who were eager to check out the venue, which opened in October . . . “ Franko writes in today’s paper, continuing, “‘It makes us feel more important out here,’ Kirstein said about the new arena’s impact. (Gabriela) Scaliese enjoyed the ease of getting to the arena and wanted other acts, such as Tom Jones, to come to the arena.” In other news, Franko enjoys Neil Diamond’s performance, too.
MONDAY, JANUARY 5