Matchmaker, Matchmaker

Posted February 12, 2009 in Feature Story

Hooking up on the Internet is as old as . . . well, the Internet. Over the last few years or so Internet dating has gained a measure of respectability with sites like and E-Harmony to social networking sites like Facebook. So, has Internet dating earned its newfound acceptability, or is it still the venue of 40-year-olds who live with Mom, hyper-clingy nymphets, and good-old fashioned creepy guys? Let’s check them out. is the middle-of-the-road choice when it comes to online dating. The people on the site—which will find a way to suck cash out of you despite any free-come-ons—seem to be well-intentioned enough and fairly above the board. Another plus is its acceptance of differing lifestyles (be proud of what you are). This is a solid starting place for the online dating beginner, because it’s pretty simple to navigate and has very few unnecessary restrictions.  


E-Harmony: E-Harmony would be similar to if it were set up by your fundamentalist, mildly-crazy uncle from Idaho. The site does not accept gays, nor even the bi or curious . . . nor anybody in the process of getting a divorce. So, to be harmonious you must fit a very strict criteria. To complicate matters, there’s an incredibly tedious questionnaire that hooks you up with just the right person, or so they claim. Opposites, according to E-Harmony, most certainly do not attract. MySpace is not a dating site. What exactly is MySpace anyway? Oh yeah, an aesthetical nightmare to plug crappy bands. However, sometimes people still use it for its hookupability. Very often at least one person in the exchange is either A) a Nigerian running a banking scam, B) a fat guy named Roger, or C) occasionally both. exists—or at first glance seems to exist—for the washouts of of which it’s affiliated. A quick perusal of the site was sort of saddening, like how “Tubular Bells” makes you feel in The Exorcist. If you don’t mind a dab of pathos with your dating, then by all means, check it out. Ashley Madison is most famous for being the site that people already in relationships look to for side action. The site revels in its reputation as a den of immorality and it guarantees an affair. For some reason, this kind of up-front honesty is refreshing and intriguing—the idea of finding our significant other on there less so. Stomach sick. Vertigo. When all else fails, go here.

–Bill Gerdes


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