Final Word

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Posted September 24, 2009 in News

My buddy Bobby Soto put it best: “TV for me, dude, it’s like a dream world of images and sound I turn on and swim through like it was a river full of big and slippery fish. Sometimes one catches my attention, you know. But mostly the fish just bump up against my body and I can feel their rough scales against my flesh.”

 

I think what Bobby is trying to say is he smokes a lot of pot, which would explain why Bobby’s always aiming the remote at the aquarium. Come to think of it, I’m not sure Bobby even owns a TV.

 

But Bobby brings up an interesting point. These days there are so many TV channels that it’s almost impossible to keep up with every new fish, er, show.

 

So, with a nod to Bobby . . . Yo, Bobby. Bobby! Over here, man. Hey stop trying to adjust the picture on your lava lamp.

 

Anyway, here’s a preview of some of the new shows for the 2009 TV Fall Season:

 

The Jay Leno Show, 10PM, weeknights, NBC: Wait, didn’t Conan O’Brien replace Leno this year as the host of The Tonight Show? He sure did, but NBC execs want you to know that Leno’s new nightly show is completely different than his old show. For instance, um, it’s on 90 minutes earlier. Yeah and, oh, this time the bandleader tries to mix in a few more vertical prints on his sweaters.

 

Sherri, 10PM, Tuesdays, Lifetime: Sherri Shepherd plays a newly single mother/comedian picking up the pieces of her life when she splits from her husband after discovering his affair. Since the show is on Lifetime you can bet the husband character is going to be so over-the-top, laughably woman-hating evil you’ll hardly believe it. Just expect someone dressed like Hitler to walk into Sherri’s kitchen and frappé a puppy before repeatedly punching a pregnant lady in the stomach.

 

NCIS Los Angeles, 9PM, Wednesdays, CBS: CBS has figured out a winning formula. NCIS, JAG and CSI . . . Just shove a bunch of letters together into a vague acronym, put it in primetime and an entire generation of baby boomers will fall asleep drooling to it in their microwaveable cream corn. This one stars ’90s reheated leftovers LL Cool J and Chris O’Donnell. Wait a minute, Chris O’Donnell?! I thought we put him in a cab and drove him to Tinsel Town’s city limits after Batman & Robin. And what’s with rappers such as LL Cool J and Ice-T solving homicides for the Man? I liked it better when they were yelling “F- the Police!”

 

Flash Forward, 8PM, Thursdays, ABC: The show is based on the premise that every person on earth blacks out for two minutes and 17 seconds. Sounds like a trip I took in 1994. It started on my way to Taco Bell for a chalupa. Next thing you know I was 30 miles outside of Vegas, covered in sweat dressed in only my underwear, holding a shovel and standing above an open grave. On second thought, forget I said anything.

 

Community, 9:30PM., Thursdays, NBC: The networks have heard your pleas and have finally created a show that pulls back the veil, revealing all the glamour and mystery surrounding community college. If Community is anything like real community college, you’ll expect it to only last two years, three years max. Then, before you know it, you’ll be wondering where your 20s went and your mom will be shouting at you to cut your hair, get a real job and move out of her house so she can turn your bedroom into a “home office.”

 

Stargate Universe, 9PM, Fridays, Syfy: The third incarnation of Stargate follows a crew of scientists trapped on an alien spaceship . . . Wait, what are we doing here? Look, if you’re seriously interested in staying home and watching this phony sci-fi crap—on a Friday night no less—then you need to ditch the metallic jumpsuit and Spock ears and update your profile on match.com. Here’s a futuristic fantasy: You on a date sharing a sampler platter at a T.G.I. Friday’s. Heck, even my friend Bobby Soto thinks you’re a loser. Yo, Bobby. Bobby! That’s not a satellite dish, bro. 

 

Contact Jeff Girod at dudeitsjeff@gmail.com


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