TUESDAY, MARCH 23
Sure, officials in San Bernardino County can talk a good talk when it comes to cleaning house of corruption. But when it comes down to it, it’s all just jibber-jabber and empty blather. Why? Cuz suddenly the county that declared it would get to the bottom of the ongoing Postmus/Erwin/Colonies scandal suddenly doesn’t want to play ball. The DA wants its mitts on 2006 legal documents that just so happen to involve a shadowy settlement possibly incriminating Supervisors Gary Ovitt and Paul Biane. Then all of a sudden, it’s foul ball. Business as usual. Idiots.
WEDNESDAY, MARCH 24
It’s war! In Hemet no less. The fourth attack on Hemet officers—since someone first MacGyvered the department’s anti-gang HQ on Dec. 31—apparently takes the form of a cocktail. Of the Molotov variety. Four code enforcement trucks that were just minding their own business at a City Hall parking lot are firebombed a mere two blocks from the police department. It’s clear things have been escalating steadily. The first attack took place on New Year’s Eve (Now that’s just bad timing!) when someone hoping for a big kaboom jury-rigged a natural gas line to the Hemet-San Jacinto Valley Gang Task Force headquarters. Then in February, someone Mickey Moused a gun to fire when the gate into the building opened. A week later, police identified some type of device (car bomb?) attached to an officer’s vehicle. Then came Operation Firestarter. Or as the Hemet PD would have us believe, the culprits behind the attacks are playing the American Taliban card. “This is still a superb Police Department that has acquired an enemy engaged in terrorist activity,” Chief Richard Dana says, invoking his best Axis-of-Evil posturing. But what’s really scary about this whole Assault on Precinct Hemet is the fact that the suspects have changed tack. Now they’re going after code enforcement. This is some serious business. You just don’t go after code enforcement. It’s just not done. “We clearly irritated somebody,” the chief says. You better believe it, buster. I’m sure turning a city-owned vehicle into a real-life internal combustion engine is some kind of code violation. Just don’t pray for a fix-it ticket.
THURSDAY, MARCH 25
It’s a big day for longhairs, in other words, the folks that live out in Fontana (a.k.a. Fontucky, Fontana Flats), as today Sammy Hagar returns to his roots to rock out the crowds at San Manuel. “Señor Sammy is very happy,” he declares midway through his nearly hour-and-a-half set. You know who’s not happy? The guys that bought the Chickenfoot album.
FRIDAY, MARCH 26
The big stink at Tomas Rivera Middle School in Mead Valley—and if you don’t know where or what Mead Valley is, let me put it this way; it makes Moreno Valley and Perris look classy—is over the fact that a group of students have got it into their crazy-wacky heads that tolerance and support for LGBT students is a good thing. Such Gay-Straight Alliance clubs are pretty common but this would be the first one to take root at a middle school in the IE. You go, kids. Even the name sounds cool: Gay-Straight Alliance. I mean, we had the Rebel Alliance from Star Wars. Definitely cool. There was “The Alliance” episode from The Office. Even cooler. And less nerdier. Tomas Rivera, you’re in good company. Almost sounds like a superhero team. Hmmmm. The Gay-Straight Justice League of America? How cool is that? It must sound pretty cool because district administrators are pretty chill about the whole thing. And by that we mean progressive. “We have an open forum policy,” district spokesman Mike Bazan says. And this amounts to a message to students to go ahead and get their Gay-Straight Alliance on. But in true IE fashion, the idea of fostering a safe, supportive atmosphere for folks that, let’s face it, have faced nothing but vitriolic hatred, prejudice and violence (Hello? Matthew Shepard!) every step of the way by every fundamentalist, conservative and wrong-headed jerk this side of Newt Gingrich, just doesn’t seem to fly with some local residents. “What can they possibly talk about?” incredulously asks parent Brandi Estes. “What are they getting together to do? Is it a place to meet other gay people, or a place to bring others in? I’m very upset.” Then another parent chimes in—you can almost smell the “Protect Marriage” phone-banking on their breath—with the whole lamebrained “I’m a supporter of traditional marriage” party line. Then Johnny Armendariz goes further to describe the potential alliance as a “club for homosexual relationships from ages 10 to 13.” With sentiments like this, no wonder gays, lesbians and their straight allies think it necessary to create a place free from the intolerant, the bigoted and narrow-minded. You know, their parents.
SATURDAY, MARCH 27
High Desert real estate dude Ken Bannister is forced to move his 17,000-item collection of banana-related memorabilia. Which is way too Freudian, for me. Then again, sometimes a banana is just a banana. Or in this case, just nutty as a fruit cake.
SUNDAY, March 28
The Lakers and Thunder. Crap game. Against the Rockets? Better. But I’m still praying.
MONDAY, MARCH 29
Vacation, I’m almost there!