By Allen David
I guess some people don’t mind going to the dentist. Such a person was the enterprising Brent Ferguson—a 25-year-old dude from Claremont who got it into his head to get something into his lungs—without asking or paying for it. Ferguson was jailed today after he was caught carrying tanks of nitrous oxide out the back door of Loma Linda School of Dentistry. You can call it an inside job since Ferguson was a student. The student has become the master—though not really since he’s booked at the West Valley Detention Center on suspicion of commercial burglary and possession of stolen property (Not good since apparently Ferguson was previously busted for drug possession, firearm possession and weed.). Cops recovered three tanks of the stuff they call laughing gas . . . but we think Ferguson isn’t finding the humor in any of this. Whippet. Whippet it good.
WEDNESDAY, APRIL 14
Proof positive that police matters are always transparent as charcoal, I hear of a settlement regarding two Riverside Police lieutenants who accused city officials of passing them over for promotions because of their union activity. A federal lawsuit is settled that involved Tim Bacon and Darryl Hurt. “There has been a resolution,” says Russell Perry, an attorney for the two cops. Thanks, Russell, for clearing things up and giving us all the details. God forbid John Q. Public wants to be informed on whether or not his local PD is in fact rife with cronyism, anti-union backbreaking and career-ending scenarios. To serve and protect? Not quite. And speaking of Things That Shouldn’t Be, San Bernardino Sheriff’s investigators announce citing four Yucaipa High boys for sexting (if you don’t know what sexting is, you’re obviously either my mother or grandmother) pics of eight girls. How do you respond to stuff like this? I know: [:
THURSDAY, APRIL 15
Still suffering from my Lakers-got-spanked-by-the-Clippers hangover. And, man, it’s a doozy. But then IE native and Pacers great Reggie Miller name-checks Riverside on Lopez Tonight . . . and I feel much better.
FRIDAY, APRIL 16
It’s like something straight out of a B-Movie: The Volcanic Ash That Would Not Die. Or It Came from Iceland. Whatever you call it, the plume of nastiness that grounded airplanes hither and thither and turned Europe into a massive no-fly zone turns out to harbor a bit of toxic disappointment to Coachella goers this year, keeping several acts (Frightened Rabbit, The Cribs, Gary Numan, etc.) miles away from being able to perform in a place they normally wouldn’t be caught dead in—namely, eastern Riverside County. To make up for it, celebrity sightings at the festival run amuck, almost sounding like the lineup for 2020’s installment of Dancing With the Stars: Maria Shriver, Hayden Panettiere and Incubus boy toy Brandon Boyd among them. Then there was Muno, Broobee and Foofa—and if you don’t know who I’m talking about, you weren’t there. Volcano clusters aside, the good news of the day: The Jigga Man himself, Jay-Z, performs right on schedule and keeps those warm-and-fuzzies coming with a duet with Mrs. –Z at his side. Sure, he might have had 99 problems, but having a honey dip of a wife sure ain’t one.
SATURDAY, APRIL 17
A proposed emblem for a Moreno Valley neighborhood that’s trying to be something it’s not (like Temecula thinking it’s more San Diego County than Riverside County—what, think we didn’t notice?) gets Beverly Hills’ panties in a major bunch. An attorney for that ritzy zip code says the signs for “Rancho Belago” look too damn much like the signs for the 90210. But do they really look similar? Well, not really, I’d say. They’re each different colors, different lettering, different shapes . . . But wait just a minute, attorney Laurence S. Wiener tells MoVall officials. He says the similarities are such that people will be deceived into thinking there’s “an association or connection” between a city with a median home price of $2.2 million and a city with a median home price of $335,000. Moreno Valley confused for Beverly Hills? Yeah, that’s gonna happen. Meanwhile, as this weak controversy continues to froth over, MoVall can move on and focus on a new tagline for its neighborhood with champagne dreams—and hot dog money. Rancho Belago: No, This Isn’t Moreno Valley.
SUNDAY, APRIL 18
Gorillaz performs to the delight of even the most jaded seen-it-all Coachella types. But what the F was up with Sly Stone? Someone put this man on some serious drugs. Scratch that—someone give me some of what Sly smoked before he hit the stage (not on time), started his sets (hardly completing a song) and entertained (random rants) the crowds. Spatial-temporal distortion indeed.
MONDAY, APRIL 19
The Lakers win. Imagine that.