By Allen David
I guess Riverside Police Chief Russ Leach’s come-clean attitude is rubbing off on others in the same pickle. Lake Elsinore Councilman Thomas Buckley also pleads guilty today on charges of driving under the influence of liquid courage. See, the Buck-ster was pulled over Nov. 6 near a DUI checkpoint because he had no front license plate on his car . . . and the rest is Breathalyzer history. Though, I gotta admit that Leach’s boozin‘ and loozin‘ was a bit more interesting. It had drama. It had a strip club (Club 215 in Colton, thank you very much), it had missing time, it had tires shredded to the rim, it had a cover-up. Now that’s a DUI you can be proud of. Buckley’s up for re-election in November. Good luck, man. There’s hope. Alcohol and politics do mix. Two words: Ted Kennedy.
WEDNESDAY, APRIL 7
I’m still scratching my head over a recent vote by the Beaumont City Council to prohibit converting billboards into their electronic equivalent. That’ll teach advertisers to keep their big-city digital ways out of an analog small-town. But officials had another issue in mind. “There was some concern on brightness and distracting drivers driving by,” city associate planner Chris Tracy says. Yes, we don’t want to distract all those drivers cruising through Beaumont. God forbid they actually stop.
THURSDAY, APRIL 8
Can we make Thursday the new Friday? Who’s with me?
FRIDAY, APRIL 9
Friday’s edition of The Press-Enterprise convinces me of something: The daily is finally scraping the bottom of the barrel and having the criminally unimaginative handle a share of the newspaper’s music journalism burden. How else can you explain the utterly horrible, ham-fisted, unspeakably ugly prose that makes up Fielding Buck’s live review of the Usher concert at San Manuel. First, there’s this gem of a line: “The shaking floor in the showroom was due to enthusiastic fans, not an earthquake.” Yikes. Hey, I’m all up for metaphors and figures of speech, but, come on—comparing eager fans to earthquakes?! File this one under “Lame.” Then Buck goes on to tell us that the show started at 7:55 p.m.. Cuz, really, when we read reviews, we’re dying to know when exactly the concert started. Forget the set list, the between-song banter or any other not-so-vital details. We need a start time, dammit! But just when things can’t get any worse, Buck finally tells us that Usher dedicated the slow portion of the show to all the single ladies in the audience, and adds, “There were a lot.” Single women at an Usher show? Nothing’s getting past you, Buck-man. Jeez. To be fair, there are worse examples of mangling the English language. Your name can be Fielding Buck.
SATURDAY, APRIL 10
The gang of politicians and defendants rounded up in February finally get their day in court. Though, of course, they’re fighting it every step of the way . . . all the way to their Feb. 21, 2011, court date. Funny thing is that one of the nine defendants, San Jacinto Councilman Jim Potts, must think his you-know-what doesn’t stink cuz he had requested that his case be severed from the others—which must be the legal equivalent of, “Hey, I don’t even know these guys.” “These guys” are the three other San Jacinto City Council members who were busted for allegedly mixing business (votes) with pleasure (money). Potts’ attorney, Samuel Long, says “My client believes he is innocent and feels a jury will confirm that for him.” Believes he is innocent? Hey, I believe the world will end on Dec. 21, 2012 . . . but I’m not exactly making a date with Nostradamus. I believe there is some redeeming value to the Showtime movie The Hills Have Thighs—but I’m not about to have my wife weigh in on this one. I believe there really are underground tunnels beneath the Mission Inn—but I’m not speed-dialing Duane Roberts to ask for a guided tour. Believe what you want, Jim, and see you in court.
SUNDAY, APRIL 11
It’s a real cock block—courtesy of Riverside County’s sheriff’s deputies and animal control officers. A big bust in the North Shore area of the Salton Sea keeps officials busy citing 30 people for attending a cockfight and euthanizing 37 roosters. Too bad for the three bloody birds recovered at the property off Avenue 72. Seems that the county’s Animal Services folks don’t adopt cockfighting roosters since the feathered warriors would just end up back in the ring. The morale of this story: Cock-a-doodle-don’t.
MONDAY, APRIL 12
I get wind that Kobe won’t be playing in tomorrow’s match-up against Sacramento and in the following game against the Clippers. Though, with the type of shooting he’s had lately—21 of 70 over the last three games—maybe it’s a good to keep him off the court. Dear index finger on Kobe’s right hand: Heal. Right. Now.