By Allen David
So, what took you so long, Jurupa? Just to make sure that Eastvale isn’t the only bride in this wedding, the folks behind the Jurupa cityhood effort are getting ready to put on a we’re-so-worthy dog-and-pony show to the government commission that’s responsible for giving the thumbs-up or thumbs-down. And boy is the commission’s name a hoot: LAFCO (Local Agency Formation Commission)—or as we like to call it, LAUGHCO. But it’s no joke and there’s no fooling around here. Cuz nothing, brother, nothing is gonna rain on Jurupa’s dreams of making it to the big time. Sure, that 1992 election in which voters said thanks-but-no-thanks to an incorporation drive, was just a bump in the road. This time, everything is different. And the reason Jurupa needs to come together like Voltron is cuz Eastvale—which already has made cityhood inroads—is a big, bad bully when it comes to getting its grubby paws all over the local tax base. “If we don’t become a city now, Eastvale will do what it wants to do,” declares local resident Marilyn Toth. “I don’t see any reason why Eastvale wouldn’t come in and take the revenue that’s rightfully ours.” Damn, straight. Now’s the time to fight fire with fire and if it means kicking Eastvale in the tax-revenue nuts, so be it. Jurupa, in this municipal showdown, there’s only one thing left to do: Sweep the leg.
WEDNESDAY, JULY 21
It’s a dark day in Moreno Valley. Lopez family, I feel for you.
THURSDAY, JULY 22
Sure, Norco might be Horsetown USA, but make that HorsetownUSA.com, as well. Don’t be thinking Norconians are just a bunch of low-tech Stepford Cowboys. No siree, pardner. These guys are on the bleeding-edge with a new website they plan to launch with the explicit purpose of luring businesses to town and spreading the smell of horse manure around a bit. Digitally, of course. Norcoweb.com will be set up to include an events calendar, photos of the city’s oh-so-genteel countrified living and maps of local horse trails. “Basically, what we’re doing is putting together a gigantic list for free,” says Councilman Kevin Bash. Only thing—and I hate to tell you this, Bash, cuz you’re name is so yipee-kay-yay—is there are a few things wrong with this whole lily-livered plan. First, if Norco is just now thinking outside the corral and putting up a website, the town’s about 15 years too late. Come on, you could have put a frigging MySpace page or cheapie WordPress blog up for nothin‘. Secondly, ya might want to talk to the Craigslist folks. Norco’s genius “gigantic list for free”— Craigslist’s sort of got a handle on that. I’m just saying.
FRIDAY, JULY 23
Who’s drinking tonight?
SATURDAY, JULY 24
The curtains go up on more hard times for the Fox Performing Arts Center in Riverside It seems that the recession is also affecting donation-givers. So far, the $5 million goal is, well, a little short. Almost $5 million short. OK, to be fair, a bit over $444,000 has been pledged. So that’s something. Wait—who am I kidding? Pledged? Pledged? Pledged?! Heck, I “pledge” money when someone hits me up to sponsor their charity 5K run. I “pledge” when someone in the office is selling candy for a school fundraiser. Just try and collect. So, yes it sucks that the Fox’s track record—cancelled shows, a crappy general manager who never returns messages, lack of dinero—has been a bit on the crap-tacular side of things. Oh, and those matinee screenings of Star Trek movies on Sundays? They’re not helping.
SUNDAY, JULY 25
Harry J. Anslinger, you would be so proud. The Press-Enterprise brashly throws out a “Devil weed or miracle drug?” headline for its front page wire store today. Huzzah, yellow journalism still lives as this story goes on to boldly demonstrate: “Federal researchers and other pot foes say it’s the devil’s drug, ruining people’s lungs and turning stoned drivers into wheeled killers.” Wheeled killers? Ruined lungs? Really? Then, after stopping short of saying cannabis kills unborn children, maims pets and assaults the honor of defenseless women, the National Institute on Drug Abuse warns that the humble herb is “not just harmless, especially for young people.” What, should I expected anything better from a group with “Drug Abuse” in the name?
MONDAY, JULY 26
Say it ain’t so. Backwoods BBQ in Corona on Green River Road just shut down yesterday. For good. That’s what I’ve learned from Corona Councilman (and Backwoods owner) Steve Nolan. Bad news: The IE’s short one purveyor of smoky goodness. Good news: The Backwoods sister restaurant on McKinley Street is still around and blowing smoke like Woody Harrelson. In deference, I christen it the Official BBQ Restaurant of the Weekly. See you by the smoker.