By Allen David
Redlands unveils an online police report program that brings together two concepts that were meant to go together: cops and logic. You heard me. Johnny Law and Spock. The police department from the IE’s most desirable zip code (after Claremont, of course) unveils the CopLogic program that allows you to tattletale electronically. “If you can sit at home and order from Amazon, you can sit at home and do your own crime report,” Lt. Chris Catren explains. “You can file from your iPhone, your iPad, your laptop.” Sure thing, Chris. Let me get my iPhone going, OK, here’s the CopLogic program, so let me—hey, wait! What the hell’s the matter with my phone’s antenna? Oh yes. Steve Jobs, damn you!
WEDNESDAY, JULY 14
Is it still hot?
THURSDAY, JULY 15
Who’s hungry for a big, heaping portion of “I told you so?” That’s likely what’s on The Maverick owner Rob Koziel’s mind after a judge dismissed a case against the steakhouse and saloon that alleged the business was a hornet’s nest of scum and villainy. But the folks with the state Alcohol and Beverage Control still say The Maverick is, well, a maverick and a drain on law-enforcement resources for allegedly being a magnet for unruly drunks, fights and a breeding ground for DUIs. Jeez—no one’s ever accused a bar of doing stuff like that. Next thing you know, folks are gonna star accusing bars of being a hotbed for bad decision-making, beer goggles and unwanted advances. Perish the thought. But Koziel (a former mayor, for you IE trivia buffs), remains firm in the conviction that he’s right and everyone else can go to hell in a Stetson had. “We hope this sends a message to the city . . . not to harass and target this individual.” Koziel then spit in a spittoon.
FRIDAY, JULY 16
Things are looking up in Beaumont. Literally. For the first time, this city on the edge of forever hosts a “Star Party,” an event made possible through the celestial bodies that make up the Riverside Astronomical Society. Now before you crack the too-obvious Uranus jokes, let’s reflect on why folks are bothering to do this. First, there’s the whole understanding the world around us thing. Then there’s those humbling “We’re just a tiny speck in the cosmos” moments. But mostly, this party is an excuse to, well, party and gaze at the skies above us for cheap entertainment. Cuz when this party’s over and the sun comes up, we’re left with having to look at Beaumont itself in broad daylight. And that, my friends, is the same thing as looking at Uranus.
SATURDAY, JULY 17
Finally, San Bernardino County is No. 1 at something. Too bad it’s at spending lots of taxpayer money foolishly. According to the digging done by Press-Enterprise reporters Imran Ghori and Duane W. Gang, this county pays the highest car allowance of any SoCal county. Poor Riverside County can only drum up $550. OC kicks down $765, L.A County caps it at $620 while those snoots in San Diego Co. shell out $1,000. But this is chump change to San Berdoo Co., which divvies up a whopping $1,123-a-month stipend for its staff members and officials who use their own wheels on official business. Now, that sounds like a lot of cash, but considering all the corruption scandals that locals are dealing with (Postmus, I’m talking to you!), maybe the extra greenbacks are warranted. All that back-and-forth to court, the stakeouts, the investigations—that’s a lot of mileage for an older model Crown Victoria to handle. Then again, who are we to judge. Trying to throw some spin-doctoring in the mix, county spokes-hack David Wert says, “I don’t think you can say because one county pays more, that county is too high.” Uh, sure we can, David. Get a freakin‘ clue.
SUNDAY, JULY 18
Snooze button. Again. And again.
MONDAY, JULY 19
Hey, just cuz the glow stick parties at the former Pharaoh’s Lost Kingdom got shut down doesn’t mean we’re having a rave drought. Not by a long shot. That’s exactly what the folks who put on the Electric Daisy Carnival event in L.A. last month are counting on. This time, Insomniac Events have a pupil-dilating spectacular booked closer to home at the NOS Events Center right here in San Berdoo. And just to make sure we don’t have a repeat of what happened at the Coliseum—you know, that whole drug overdose thing—organizers have vowed to improve guest safety. First, they’re making this 18-and-over-only. Secondly, they’re gonna be taking good hard looksies at partygoers’ IDs. But let Insomniac CEO Pasquale Rotella put his own spin on things. “These safety protocols will create new standard operating procedures adapted to the new challenges involved in music festivals, including Electric Daisy Carnival.” In other words, you’re gonna have to do a better job of hiding that E, kiddies.