By Allen David
TUESDAY, AUGUST 31
OK, so we all knew that soon-to-be-ousted Riverside County DA Rod Pacheco didn’t take it too well when he lost the election to Judge Paul Zellerbach. For starters, it took A-Rod forever to concede that he had lost to the Zell-Man. What a punk. And, as far as we can tell, I don’t think Hot Rod has even bothered to book some basic face-time with his successor—hey, even Bush shook hands with Obama! Sour grapes? Or, total douche?—depends on how you look at it. So, is Rod gonna simply ride off into the sunset to pursue other projects or re-enter the private sector with a new lease on life. No, not quite. A-Rod’s decided he’s gonna stick it to the Zellster where it hurts: in the budget—at least that’s how it sounds like after we hear that Zellerbach’s complaining to the county Board of Supervisors about Pacheco’s alleged spending spree and promotion-palooza. In other words, it sounds like Rod’s taking a sip of the vindictive juice—and he’ll be damned if he’s not gonna spend every last dollar he can and screw over the guy who beat him at the ballot box. Oh, and this fustercluck is purportedly taking place at a time when the DA’s office is supposed to be reeling from a $9 million budget reduction. That’s what a little bird told me. Zellerbach maintains that his Deep Throats have leaked to him that Pacheco’s set on hiring 20 attorneys and investigators, doling out as many as 45 promotions and ordered his slimy underlings (actually, assistant chiefs, chief deputy DAs and chief investigator) not to assist in the upcoming changing of the guards. Hey, A-Rod, you lost the election. Now, quit being an A-Hole.
WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 1
Let’s be honest. Moreno Valley’s already got a bunch of crap to deal with. It’s like that slut in high school—it’s the city in the IE with the worst reputation. Call it the anti-Redlands. It’s the city you end up at or shoot for when you don’t have a lot of money. Trust me. Mention “Moreno Valley” to anyone and the eyes begin to roll, the smirks begin and the wringing of hands spontaneously starts. It’s so bad, folks don’t even use its full name. It’s just MoVall. Plain MoVall. It’s the black sheep of the family. The unemployed uncle. The 32-year-old community college student still living at home. The crazy cat lady—without the cats. And the bureaucrats and politicians running the town sure aren’t making things better—endorsing DUI checkpoints that activists say are just dressed up anti-immigrant fishing expeditions, essentially acknowledging the city’s ghetto rep by green-lighting the re-naming of a new development (Because the name “Moreno Valley” apparently doesn’t conjure up images of palatial, luxurious subdivisions. Duh.) and having a shopping center (the Moreno Valley Mall) that makes the Galleria at Tyler look like Fashion Island. So, let’s stir things up a bit more, shall we? Enter Interim City Manager William Bopf, who decides to Bopf things up by announcing that he’s interested in making his interim gig permanent—weeks after a lengthy, all-expenses paid job search. Councilman Jesse Molina puts it best: “I don’t think it was right. It stinks.” And the tragedy is, well, that MoVall already stunk. Bad.
THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 2
I post my salary online. No one notices. Or cares.
FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 3
Jaime Morales vs. Joseph Sinz—it’s a cop-on-cop crime. And it’s lovely.
SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 4
In yet another example of how the Inland Empire is a bastion of religious tolerance and interfaith warm-and-fuzziness, The Rev. Joe Zarro of United Church of the Valley in Murrieta reports that some person or persons unknown has stolen a banner that he had hung on his church’s property. Now, that’s a new low. Even for IE standards (which are pretty low to begin with). Come on, now, stealing from a church? Now, that takes a real low-life. Oh, but did we mention that the sign was marked with the words “Co-Exist” and advocated religious harmony? And it just so happens that Zarro was a supporter of plans to erect a mosque in Temecula. Or, as many Temeculites call it, Our Lady of Terrorism. Seriously. You want progressive, tolerant types—head to Berkeley or Santa Monica. “Maybe it’s not directly related to the mosque,” Zarro says, “But the attitude that religions aren’t equal under the law and we shouldn’t co-exist peacefully directly leads to the way the Muslims have been treated.” But what’s the real crime here? The fact that someone stole from a church? The fact that it looks like it might have been an anti-Muslim move? Nope. It’s Zarro. He actually expected the Inland Empire to embrace Islam and a new religious place of worship—what an idiot! See, here in the IE, we hate everyone. Fontana hates black people. Hemet hates brown people. And Temecula thinks its you-know-what-doesn’t stink and can’t stand anything that isn’t a developer, white or Christian—or modern art, but that’s another story.
SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 5
Not much here.
MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 6
This is my un-Labor Day.