By Allen David
TUESDAY, OCTOBER 19
Someone please call the Jeffrey Dahmer or Dexter police or something. Hemet teen Jose Campos is one creepy sumbitch and it sounds like he didn’t even raise an eyebrow when he set out to allegedly kill, burn, dismember and bury a friend—and then unearth the body and dump the remains into Canyon Lake. It’s Halloween two weeks early, folks. Yikes. “Heinous” and “inhuman” is how the prosecutors are describing this crime against 17-year-old Adrian Rios. Then they throw around other terms like “callous” and “almost soulless,” so you know they’re not effing around. You’d think that the guy from Saw was on trial here. Then I hear what witnesses say Campos declared right before he decided to incinerate Adrian in his backyard. “We’re going to have a barbecue,” is what he allegedly said. Note to self: No barbecues this year. Oh, almost forgot. Police found a severed foot buried in the backyard. Later, another witness recalls what Campos says while sitting around a campfire at Canyon Lake (telling spooky stories?—yeah, right!)—where the remains were dumped, remember. “Another soldier gone. Too bad little homey had to go.” Creepy. Jose, if you did this, burn in hell, a-hole.
WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 20
Hey, when we vote for folks to represent the people on some council, board or commission, you’d figure they could handle simple paperwork and deadline tasks, right? I’m mean, that’s fair. Not so, idiots running for the Jurupa school board. Apparently four—that’s right, four—of the folks trying to score a seat for the Jurupa Unified School District board of trustees can’t keep up with simple things like calendars as they all failed to file required campaign finance statements by an Oct. 5 deadline. It’s called a Form 470, but it might as well be called Form 420, cuz Ezell James, Erasmo Mendez, Armando Muniz and Michael Rodriguez (the shtick this guy’s been pulling all on his own could fill The Rundown for a month!) must be smoking some serious kush as the concept of an Oct. 5 deadline is beyond them. Take a good hard look at this stuff, folks. These are the guys you’re voting for. They’re gonna be making important decisions about your local schools and your children’s future. Ain’t democracy wunnerful?
THURSDAY, OCTOBER 21
Good job, Henry Montoya.
FRIDAY, OCTOBER 22
Political campaign sign bandit? Sounds like a crappy kind of criminal enterprise. But that seems to be how Michael Debenedet rolls. The 49-year-old Highland weirdo was allegedly caught tearing down signs belonging to Highland Councilman Ross Jones. But the beauty of the whole scheme is that Jones had used bait. No, not a hot female cop pretending to be a hooker and hanging out by a street light (though that would be sort of cool in an ethically ambiguous way; read: entrapment). No, it seems Jones put out signs deliberately hoping to catch the thief in action. There’s something poetic in all this. A politician succeeds in catching a thief. You’ve heard the saying, it takes a thief to catch a thief, right?
SATURDAY, OCTOBER 23
Mic Flex, Eternal, Junor Francis, Noa James—you guys brought it and rocked it! Thanks. And now, without further adieu, the best and brightest that the much-maligned Inland Empire has to offer. At least from a musical perspective. Best Alternative: Backyard Pimps. Best Blues: Burn This for Your Friends. Best Classic Rock: The Veil Between. Best Country: The Whiskey Dick Rebellion. Best Electronic: Ninja Party. Best Female Artist: Shaye & the Dreamers. Best Folk: Mobetta Loretta. Best Hard Rock: Worldfast. Best High School Band: Joshua Jones. Best Hip Hop: Kash Kanive. Best Jazz: Shaye & the Dreamers. Best Live Acoustic: Atom in the Infinite. Best Live Band: The Veil Between. Best Male Artist: Sangre. Best Out of Area: Burn This for Your Friends. Best Pop Rock: Sachi. Best Punk: Animal 22. Best R&B: Amore. Best Rock: Sangre. Best Roots: Soul of the River. Best Song: Backyard Pimps. Best World Music: Sal & Isela con Los Salerosos. Congrats, all!
SUNDAY, OCTOBER 24
Young tween girls go into fits. The sun blackens for a moment. And roses weep gently into the tilled earth. No, the Book of Revelation wasn’t coming to life (though, those were my thoughts, too). No, it’s something far more insidious and evil. Justin Bieber performs at the Citizens Business Bank Arena in Ontario. Even worse—Press-Enterprise wordsmith Fielding Buck is tasked with the challenge of capturing this moment in pop-culture history. And the Buckster doesn’t miss a beat with his weakness for useless details and, in this case, odd way of describing things. Observe: The cavernous Citizens Business Bank Arena in Ontario was filled with screaming fans Sunday. The cause wasn’t some Halloween monster. It was smooth-faced teen-idol Justin Bieber performing a sold-out concert for his Inland fans on a school night. Smooth-faced? Weird. But, oh dear mortals, the Motherbucker doesn’t stop there: Most of Bieber’s fans lined up at the arena were teens and pre-teens, not old enough to drink, drive or vote in the upcoming election. But their lungs were fully formed and they put them to good use drowning him out on numbers such as “Baby.” “Fully formed” lungs? Why do I suddenly feel like I need to take a shower?
MONDAY, OCTOBER 25
I love my job.