By Allen David
TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 9
WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 10
Donald Trump would have been so proud. Riverside County Registrar of Voters Barbara Dunmore gets the business end of the “you’re fired” stick from the home office for failing to release election night results quickly enough. “I appreciate Ms. Dunmore’s service, but it’s time for new leadership,” County Executive Bill Luna said in a prepared statement. Maybe Dunmore couldn’t have—wait for it—done more? Sorry, couldn’t resist. Babs has been the county’s top election mistress since 2004—and it was a relatively smooth ride until a few months ago when election crybabies started getting on her case due to a supposedly slow vote count back in June. But this week, things got even testier when she failed to get love from county supervisors. “I have lost confidence in your ability to oversee the registrar’s office,” Supervisor Jeff Stone said. “Frankly, I can’t defend you anymore.” Babs had already exchanged verbal fisticuffs with Supervisor Marion Ashley over the delays—so maybe she should have seen the end coming. Apparently Marion was pissed cuz all other agencies across the country were posting vote counts on time—except for Riverside County, which the supervisor describe as a “black hole.” I’m sure Dunmore has a better idea of what (or who) the “black hole” really is right about now.
THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 11
Earl Ellis Green, it looks like you’ve done a very bad thing. A very bad thing.
FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 12
I get word that the still-under-construction Embassy Suites in Ontario has gotten a new director of sales, Jennifer M. Keef. “Based on Jennifer’s outstanding record in hotel management, we are confident that she will be instrumental in ensuring the success of this new Embassy Suites hotel,” says Chris Mayer, the president of the hotel operator, Sun Development and Management Corp. “Jennifer will be a strong asset to this new property as we ramp up for its opening.” First on Keef’s to-do list will be a marketing strategy to trumpet the soon-to-open lodgings. Her campaign will involve the tagline: “If you absolutely, positively, unavoidably must come to Ontario, stay at the Embassy Suites. We won’t tell.”
SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 13
Someone just can’t get their syringes lined up in a row—and we get proof positive that seven is definitely not a lucky number. It sure as hell isn’t for Southwest Healthcare System, the faceless, Keyser Söze-like entity that runs Rancho Springs Medical Center in Murrieta and Inland Valley Medical Center in Wildomar. For the seventh time, state authorities announce that it had fined Southwest for basically running a sloppy-as-hell shop. “Unfortunately, simple human error resulted in this regrettable oversight,” company CEO Ken Rivers says. This makes perfect sense since that’s corporate-ese for “We effed up. Big time.” Call it the catheter that broke the camel’s back. Since 2007, the hospital company has been fined more than $300,000 for accidents that made patients’ lives more perilous than watching Keeping Up With the Kardashians. Human error, you’re a wild and crazy guy! But what’s funnier is the response that comes from the state Public Health Department’s Center for Health Care Quality. Yup, they’ve got a response that’s as bureaucratic and by-the-book-sounding as this government agency’s name: “If Southwest meets the terms of this agreement, (the department) will consider rescinding the revocation accusation,” acting deputy director Pam Fossdick intones ominously. Fossdick? I forgot what I was gonna say cuz I just found something even funnier than Muckenfuss.
SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 14
Note to Lakers: Seriously, guys? Seriously? Come on! Things looked so good during the first half. And don’t get me wrong, the guys from Purple and Gold Land had great numbers. You had Kobe (25 points, 14 assists), Pau (28 points, 17 rebounds) and LO (22 points, 11 rebounds) slinging the double-doubles left and right. But it was those damn three-pointers that gave the Phoenix Suns that killer, dagger-like edge. And I’m not talking five or six three-pointers. Twenty-two three-pointers. And all this adds up to a sorry mess for who should be this country’s finest hoop troop. Screw you, Nash! Screw you.
MONDAY, NOVEMBER 15
Well, we’ve got the Ontario Reign, so hockey’s covered. Then there’s the Lake Elsinore Storm and the Rancho Cucamonga Quakes—so that should satisfy the baseball nuts. Football? Not a chance. But for those of us who are hoop fans who just wish we could get a bit more ball action closer to home and a tad more locally-flavored, welcome the Los Angeles Slam! Or maybe I should have ended that sentence with a “?” Cuz nobody, brother, and I mean nobody I know has ever heard of the L.A. Slam. Plans call for this team to move to Temescal Canyon High School and play half of the season’s 30 games in Lake Elsinore. This begs the question: Why do we need another basketball team in Southern California that nobody cares about and nobody takes seriously. What—did the Clippers move?