The Rundown

By Allen David

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Posted November 4, 2010 in News

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 26

Last week, the Weekly reported on the a-hole from Pomona who was caught trying to steal computers and supplies from Grand Terrace Elementary School. Yeah. Classy move, huh? Well, it seems that Isaac Sigala isn’t alone in being accused of taking petty crime to an all-time low. Enter the Grade-A douchebag who was caught helping himself to cash from a donation jar at a Lake Elsinore gas station. Oh, did we mention that the donation jar was for breast cancer research? Yup, the IE knows how to crank ’em out. While the dude wasn’t caught, surveillance camera footage shows a white man (yes!) in his 20s wearing a white T-shirt and baseball cap entering the Chevron, and grabbing the jar. Authorities estimate the guy only stole about $20 to $30—but the comments people post online about the crime: priceless. “Typical White trailer trash. That’s the same fool who stole my tip jar from my taco cart,” says Paisa Taco Bender. “Low life! White trash,” says Guest. “LOSER . . . We’ve got your ugly mug,” says Concerned I.E. Citizen. Hey, these aren’t my words, folks. But I’m not saying I disagree. Suddenly Isaac Sigala looks good.

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 27

Time for a nap.

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 28

He should have done his homework. In Perris, Jim Finney sent a mailer accusing Councilman Mark Yarbrough of a domestic violence charge from 2001. But there’s a problem. It was a different Mark Yarbrough. Even the middle names were different. Finney calls it “an honest mistake.” Hey, Mark, looking for a lawyer?

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 29

I get word that the McDonald’s on University Avenue in Riverside is going “green.” Not green as in the color of the Chicken McNuggets before they’re cooked (What? Did I spoil the surprise?), green as in they’ve got Mother Nature helping to pay the electric bill. About 294 solar panels are now providing the juice to the Mickey D’s that officially opened on Oct. 14. Owned and operated by Tom and Candace Spiel, this is the first McDonald’s west of the Mississippi to seek what’s called LEED (Leadership in Energy & Environmental Design) certification. This is the federal government’s equivalent of giving a scratch-and-sniff sticker to businesses that are eco-friendly and reduce energy savings. I kid, I kid. So what’s next, Ronald? Adding salads to the menu that are actually made of lettuce instead of sliced ham (That would be truly green)? Packaging your Happy Meals in soy paper (Save a tree! Kill a bean!)? Having customers use cups and string to “phone” in their orders in the drive-thru (Why gobble up kilowatts using that electricity-guzzling speaker set-up?) Cooking their fries in free-trade oil instead of absolutely delicious fat? Come on now! Mother Nature needs some help. Wait—just got a text from Ronald. Gone is that animal-tested greasepaint makeup. Here comes some cruelty-free face paint. The restaurant’s gotten so whole-hearted about this eco-trip, they’ve even replaced the iconic Golden Arches with—wait for it—green ones! Cool. Now they match my face. I did have the McRib . . .

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 30

Here come the “Duh Files.” An ad hoc committee in Riverside that’s trying to sort out issues with the city’s ethics code suddenly has come up with a bright idea: Why not have an independent panel hear ethics complaints against city officials? Makes sense, doesn’t it? Well, it seems the city’s been pitched the concept before—and it pitched it right back into the trash. I guess the city would like to keep things the way they’ve been; having the fox guarding the hen house. Currently, ethics complaints are heard by the mayor and two members of the City Council. And I’m sure they are always unbiased in their decisions. I’m positive they are. An independent panel, eh? Who the hell wants that? Yes, Riverside wants to make sure city officials are aboveboard and squeaky-clean—but having outside parties judge and make decisions about what’s really going on? Actually having a shot at getting at the truth of things? That’s just crazy talk. Let’s keep ethics reform in the hands of—no, not the people, silly—the politicians.

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 31

Trick or treat? I call it a trick when the folks at Monark Asian Bistro at the Canyon Crest Town Center give out almond cookies and those crappy fortune cookies for treats—instead of some tasty mini Snickers or Skittles. At least have the decency to hand out some Sweet Tarts or a piece of Starburst. But fortune cookies? Really? Sheesh! Ebenezer Scrooge called. He wants his cheapskate holiday cheer back. Way to break a dollar, Monark.

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 1

Ontario officials unveil a brand-new smart phone application that allows the local citizenry to tell City Hall what’s broken, what needs fixing and what needs maintaining. Call it the Mr. Furley app. Naw, it’s been dubbed “myOntario” and the city is absolutely giddy since now residents can take photos of graffiti and potholes and send them directly to City Hall . . . where they’ll wind up with the emails and voicemail messages I left two months ago. Ain’t technology wunnerful?


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