By Allen David
TUESDAY, DECEMBER 21
Wow. I figured Riverside County District Attorney (a.k.a. the soon-to-be-jobless) Rod Pacheco was a real bastard—but a criminal, too? That’s the feeling I get after someone in his office basically accuses him of cooking the books to make $4 million in the red magically turn in to $2 million in the black. Now that’s the kind of accounting voodoo I’d like to see happen to my next paycheck. Apparently, things got wacky when Rod and his scuzzy peeps got it into their head to fill 12 jobs—a move the county cock-blocked, citing budget-cutting measures. But Hot Rod didn’t take things lying down and filed a lawsuit (he is a lawyer—what, you forgot?) in order to get a judge to unfreeze those 12 jobs. Well, it turns out that some other interesting behind-the-scenes stuff was taking place. Eric Woolery, deputy director of administration for the DA’s office, says he re-wrote the first-quarter budget report four times—guess he wanted to make sure he got the numbers just “right.” And by “right,” I meant “wrong.” Woolery claims he documented a $4 million deficit. But after then-Assistant District Attorney Kelly Keenan and the magic of math intervened, that deficit suddenly turned into, well, a hot mess. And county officials are pissed. “There’s something here to do with integrity,” says County Supervisor John Tavaglione. “The integrity of the office, the integrity of the job.” No shit Sherlock. If this type of skullduggery is taking place in the DA’s office, let’s give it up for some good old-fashioned street crime!
WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 22
UCR anthropology professor Peter Robertshaw announces his latest book: Every Bone Tells a Story . . . and Ron Jeremy gets pissed because someone stole the title for his upcoming memoirs.
THURSDAY, DECEMBER 23
Lake Elsinore, you’re quite a lady. Capable of producing morbidly optimistic politicians like Daryl Hickman, who just started his third term on the City Council. You remember Hickman, don’t ya? He’s the guy that looked like a real a-hole when he held a news conference during his campaign for office to announce a professional (no, not NBA, something lame) basketball team was coming to town. What a sumbitch. Tacky thing to do considering the fact that the dude wasn’t even elected yet and he’s making like he’s conducting “official” city business and already seated in the halls of power. Plus he uses the word “extreme” in a sentence, which sends a time-travel signal back to 2002—who wants its buzz word back. Adding insult to injury, he’s all behind Michael Knight, the other piece of work who’s spitefully filed lame lawsuits (fire sprinklers? Really, Mike?) against City Hall and who just so happens to have had the feds sniffing around him for election fraud—criminal charges, no less. Coincidentally, Knight had had some issues with the city regarding his permit for his Trevi entertainment venue. Coincidence, I say! And the Hickster still backs him. “I’m behind any businessman that needs help,” the thrice-elected councilman says. Well, I’m a business man. And my business is calling you out, bitch!
FRIDAY, DECEMBER 24
From my favorite holiday cartoon: Where Linus, says, “on Earth peace and goodwill towards men.” Like Linus said: peace.
SATURDAY, DECEMBER 25
What the hell, Lakers? That’s the second Christmas in a row that you’ve had your asses handed to you by a rival team. Now, granted, I’m not saying I can’t appreciate the awesome might of the Big Three. Especially The Talented Mr. Lebron. But, really. To get spanked like this? And on your home tur? This 96-80 loss was ridiculous. Plus that jawing between Kobe and Lebron. Uuuh-gly game. Lebron gets his 31st triple double of his career. Kobe can’t seem to make a shot past Dwayne Wade’s outstretched hands and arms. It’s really a terrible Christmas after all. Bah, humbug!
SUNDAY, DECEMBER 26
It’s a sad day for jazz in Temecula—heck, jazz anywhere. I get word that the nonprofit group behind the Temecula International Jazz Festival just folded its tents because of a lack of, yup, you guessed it: money. The group, The Musicians Workshop, was started by Jon Laskin and his wife in 1998 and, for the past dozen years, has been hosting more than 17 afterschool and evening performing arts programs and summer camps. Last year, the group opened the Cultural Arts and Music Center to house classrooms, dance studios and artist space. Sadly, the center shut down last week. Two former students from the center went on to compete on American Idol. Three went on to study at the Berklee College of Music in Boston. Not too shabby.
The day the music died? Maybe.
MONDAY, DECEMBER 27
For all the times I think I’m having a crapper of a day, I think about John Benoit. You can say the freshman Riverside County supervisor has had a rough year. He got crap for supporting pension reform. Got accused of being anti-law enforcement (a Riverside County Sheriff’s Department dirty trick, by the way) Then his campaign manager and longtime aide up and died. Then his mother died in September. Alright, Benoit, I’ll take it easy on you for a while . . . but what’s with this nonsense about banning medical cannabis? Where’s the love?