Say what you will about Bret Michaels. Sure, he pumped out what would ultimately become one of the cheesiest ballads in hair metal history with “Every Rose Has Its Thorn.” And sure, he may be responsible for some of the most horrendous reality TV known to man, subjecting the teeming masses to not one, not two, but three seasons of Rock of Love, to say nothing of his brand new series, Bret Michaels: Life As I Know It, or his winning appearance on Celebrity Apprentice 3. But the man may as well be Bruce Willis from Unbreakable. This past April saw the Poison frontman rushed to the hospital for an emergency appendectomy, only to be readmitted just over a week later with what would later be discovered as a subarachnoid hemorrhage. I’m no doctor, but anything with “arachnoid” in the name can’t be good, unless it’s going to result in him becoming Spider-Bret. A month later, Michaels was yet again in the hospital, this time for a transient ischemic attack, or TIA, stemming from a patent foramen ovale, or PFO. What’s that? You don’t know what the hell any of that means? Oh, it’s nothing really, just doctorspeak for he had a stroke because of a damned hole in his heart. So say what you will about Mr. Michaels (who, by the by, will be hitting up Riverside’s Fox Performing Arts Center on Friday), but I’m not messing with the dude anymore. I don’t need to be pissing off anybody that has slapped death in the face that many times.
Bret Michaels at the Fox Performing Arts Center, 3801 Mission Inn Ave., Riverside, (951) 779-9800; www.foxriversidelive.com. www.bretmichaels.com, Fri, Dec. 17. 8PM. Tickets start at $49 (plus applicable fees).