By Allen David
TUESDAY, JANUARY 11
As always, the kookiest politics take place in those little towns and burgs that no one seems to be paying any attention to. No one except the gadflies and the old-timers. Such is the case in Menifee where a critic of the City Council named John Smelser plans on trying to take down two elected officials via a recall campaign. His targets? Councilmembers Darcy Kuenzi and John Denver. The charge? They’re too developer-friendly, Smelser argues. Screw you, Denver says, responding, “Some people came to Menifee because it was rural and there were horses and chickens and open fields.” And Denver swears he’ll fight to keep Menifee Menifee . . . as soon as the horses and chickens start voting for him..
WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 12
There’s an old saying: One man’s trash is another man’s treasure. Well, how about one man’s crazy police-evidence box? That’s the weird thing a Menifee man named Michael King and his kids found, namely a cardboard box filled with guns, a knife, drug pipes and Riverside County Sheriff’s Department documents. Someone call Lost & Found. Naturally local law enforcement has cracked the case—no, it hasn’t. “We have no idea how that stuff ended up out there,” says Lt. Mike Lind. Fine police work.
THURSDAY, JANUARY 13
Poor Etta. It seems the crooner who made “At Last” the wedding song of the century is now dealing with a whole lot of hurt right now. First, there’s the leukemia Etta James is being treated for. That can’t be a picnic for the 72-year-old bottled blonde. There’s more. She’s suffering from dementia. Wait, there’s still more. Her husband and son are battling it out in court over who’s got control of Etta’s ducats. Time to cue up “All I Could Do Is Cry.” Etta, I feels you, sweetheart, I feels you.
FRIDAY, JANUARY 14
With so much petty bullcrap going on between just-lost-his-job Rod Pacheco and brand-new DA Paul Zellerbach, you might think that the higher-ups are losing sight of the most important things. You’d think that the basic concepts of law and order and our criminal justice system are forgotten. You’d be wrong. That’s right, there’s one case that the Riverside County District Attorney’s office is tackling head-on. Gang shoot-outs? Drugs? Violence in our community? Naw, Skippy. It’s Lindsay Lohan. Lindsay was allegedly caught re-entering the Betty Ford rehab center after curfew, refused to take a Breathalyzer case and tussled with a tech. Aw, come on! That’s just Lindsay being Lindsay. Case closed.
SATURDAY, JANUARY 15
According to Hemet Mayor Jerry Franchville, he and his stepdaughter pass the time every Saturday by counting the number of abandoned shopping carts they drive past on their way to lunch. Remember, this is Hemet.
SUNDAY, JANUARY 16
It’s not the chippiness beneath the basket that’s got me out of shape. No, siree. I’m gonna expect some heated feelings and frustrations during any good basketball game. No, the thing that’s bugging the crap out of me is the fact that the Lakers didn’t seem to want to bother to put up a good fight against the Clippers. The Clippers, for god’s sake! Sure, they beat Miami, but that was a fluke. Right? But tonight’s game was wacky. Blake Griffin seemed to spend as much time on the bench as Adam Morrison used to. Then there was that confrontation between Lamar Odom and Griffin. Then four players were ejected. Is this what the NBA means by “Where Amazing Happens?”
MONDAY, JANUARY 17
Jesus is cool! Or at least fashionable. That’s the whole idea behind Aurelio Barreto III’s C28, a youth apparel store inspired by the original long-haired, sandals-wearing hippie who spent some time chilling in Jerusalem back in the day. The Riverside resident also happens to be the dude behind all those “Not of This World” bumper stickers, logos and decals you see all over the place. The NOTW line of merchandise is Barreto’s brain child. He says he wanted his Hot Topic-ish line of clothing and accessories to appeal to folks who might not otherwise set foot in a Christian-oriented business. “There’s a lot of hurting people walking through the mall who are shopping because of a void in their life,” he says. And Barreto’s got something to fill that hurting void: a $79.99 Crown Zip Hoodie. Plus sales tax. What would Jesus do?