By Allen David
TUESDAY, DECEMBER 28
Call it a page ripped from Tales From the Darkside. You’ve heard the ol‘ “three times is a conspiracy” old wives’ tale, right? Well it played out in San Bernardino this week. First, an electrical transformer near Lena Avenue and Second Street explodes during the late morning. A literal live wire apparently ended up falling over a fence in the 200 block of Lena. Then, after firefighters arrived, water is seen bubbling out of a busted water line. Connection? Then, the public safety dudes smelled natural gas. An exploding transformer (and not the cool Optimus Prime-type). A gas leak. A broken water line. Is there a connection? Or just one of those weird-as-hell coincidences? Heck, even the firefighters don’t know. “They’re still trying to figure out what happened,” says Mike Arvizo, a spokesman for the San Bernardino City Fire Department. By 1 p.m., all the problems are fixed. No one was hurt. No harm, no blood, no foul. Oh, and then another gas leak is reported at 6 p.m. Weird.
WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 29
Man, this battle between outgoing DA (and all-around A-hole) Rod Pacheco and the dudes at the county administrative offices just keeps getting ridiculous. First there’s a filed declaration from Eric Woolery, a bean counter for the DA. He alleges that Pacheco’s underlings gave him an offer he couldn’t refuse: Make a $4 million deficit into a $2 million surplus. Oh yeah, says the Pacheco camp. We can file a court declaration too, punk-asses. Suddenly, Pacheco’s peeps are saying Woolery was forced to lie and sign the declaration. Poppycock, says County Executive Officer Bill Luna and soon-to-be-new-DA Paul Zellerbach. Luna says the only time he had contact with Woolery was when he passed him in the hall and told him, “I know what the right thing to do is, and I hope you do, too.” Now here’s the problem. Luna might know what the right thing to do is. So might Woolery. But you know who doesn’t? Pacheco. Rod, for the love of God, man, just ride gracefully away into the sunset.
THURSDAY, DECEMBER 30
Who knew that clean solar energy would get everyone’s headdress in a bunch. The La Cuna de Aztlan (which translates to “The Cradle of Aztlan,” or East L.A.) Sacred Site Protection Circle is suing the Obama administration because they say several federally approved projects (including the Ivanpah, Calico and Lucerne Valley projects in San Bernardino County and the Genesis and Blythe projects in eastern Riverside County) will muck up “graves and other sacred places,” according to Cory Briggs, an attorney for the Native American interests. Even a solar energy project by a company with the super pretty name of BrightSource gets no love. But anyone who’s anyone knows that, eco-friendly project or not, these things are definitely gonna be bad news. There’s always trouble when you build over burial grounds. Didn’t anyone see Poltergeist for god’s sake? Bad shit happens. Hey, Native Americans, I’m behind you one hundred percent. Not because it’s morally or ethically (or legally) the right thing to do. It’s because I don’t want any trees breaking through any windows to try and eat my son. No way.
FRIDAY, DECEMBER 31
Happy New Year! . . . My New Year’s resolution? To finish this tequila shot. And then have another. And another. And . . .
SATURDAY, JANUARY 1
I see dead people? How about I see dead horses? Actually I don’t want the horse to be dead. That would be morbid. And that would be it for Lydia Hiby of Escondido. She’s the psychic that Clayton Price, a 42-year-old horse trainer and former professional rodeo cowboy, enlisted to help him find Spud. Spud is a quarter horse that belonged to Price but the damn pony was swept into the Santa Ana River during a Dec. 21 rainstorm. That’s bad for Spud, of course. And Clayton, too. But that’s good news for Hiby. She charges $40 an hour for a 15-minute session . . . and those sort of numbers don’t lie when providing proof of Hiby’s paranormal acumen. I mean, those other crappy psychics only charge $10 an hour. By the way, Hiby makes the following claim on her website: “When you call me, I speak to you about your pet on the phone, but I am ‘talking’ to your pet telepathically.” Yup, sounds like that was $40 well spent, Clayton.
SUNDAY, JANUARY 2
I’m giving up. I’m throwing in my purple-and-gold towel. Kobe and the guys are really ticking me off. You guys just came off a four-game losing streak before you finally saw the sense in actually beating a team—in this case the Hornets. But the craptastical-ness continues as you were royally vanquished by the Memphis Grizzlies. Come on! 104-85? Outworked. Outperformed. Yup, that’s how I’d describe how things went down.
MONDAY, JANUARY 3
I don’t know what’s going on at Agua Caliente, but it sounds suspicious as I get a press release talking about how one of their guests ended 2010 with a “big bang” by playing the “Marilyn Monroe slot.” I don’t even think Arthur Miller got that far.