By Jeff Girod
After two decades of serving as the classic intro to Monday Night Football, Williams’ iconic song, “All My Rowdy Friends Are Coming Over Tonight,” has been sacked, punted and groin pulled from future ESPN broadcasts.
The decision came after Williams made an analogy to Adolf Hitler while discussing President Barack Obama on Fox News. (Wait a minute, doesn’t everyone on Fox News compare Obama to Hitler? I thought that’s why people watched Fox News—or as it’s also known, OHHCN, the Obama-Hating, Hitler Comparison Network.)
For more on this story, we go to OHHCN’s Fox & Friends:
During last Monday’s show, Williams was asked about his political views (and really, whenever I’m looking for a guest to interview on a political morning roundtable, I start with the antiquated, crazy-assed bearded country singer who wears aviator sunglasses indoors. What, was Kenny Rogers not available . . . or Alabama?)
At one point—and by “one point” I mean 20 seconds into the conversation, which was really like a hobo soliloquy while Williams simultaneously hit on the only female anchor, Gretchen Carlson, who creepily seemed into it—Williams took issue with President Obama playing golf with Republican Rep. John Boehner. Said Williams, “It’d be like Hitler playing golf with Netanyahu.”
Now I’ve never seen Obama, Boehner, Hitler and Netanyahu play golf (and to my credit, I watch a lot of C-SPAN, the History Channel and the Israeli Golf Station) but I’m guessing Williams didn’t intend his analogy respectfully.
Asked to clarify some of his comments, Williams said, “They’re the enemy,” adding that by “they” he meant Obama and Vice President Joe Biden, and by “golf” he meant “go f— yourself.”
Ever since Williams’ comments, the nation has been in a veritable tizzy. Williams’ defenders include everyone from Joy Behar and Whoopi Goldberg from The View, to Jon Stewart from The Daily Show, to even Sarah Palin and Rush Limbaugh. One NFL player was asked to comment on Williams’ remarks about Obama and Netanyahu and said, “Ya know, I haven’t really studied the names of all the other guys on the dee-fense.”
Williams has even gone as far as to release a new song about the experience—of course he has!—titled Keep the Change. I only hope its lyrics are as clever as, “The Dolphins play the Packers right here on Monday night!”
Look, let’s all agree that Hank Williams Jr. is as completely insane as his beard color is burnt umber. He’s a 100-year-old country singer who looks like Dog the Bounty Hunter and he has a belt buckle the size of a tractor, which for all I know is the name of one his songs. Because I can’t name another song by Williams that doesn’t involve the words “all,” “rowdy” and “friends.”
Williams is as irrelevant as Carrot Top, Mr. T. and the old guy in the tuxedo who does the funny dances on Magic Mountain commercials. Williams is a cartoon. He’s a hillbilly Santa Claus. Who cares what he’s thinks about politics? Who cares what he thinks about anything? But more importantly, since when is he not allowed to have an opinion? And since when does a sports network get to decide who gets to say what about politicians?
That song has been part of Monday Night Football since 1989—way before the games switched from ABC to ESPN in 2006. ESPN should be thanking Williams for making their Monday programming interesting again, because most of America is watching re-runs of House.
Not to mention ESPN has watched as its own sports personalities have been arrested, even jailed, for DUIs, domestic violence, indecent exposure, plagiarism and sexual harassment. So if Williams wants to compare Obama to Hitler, at least he was sober, didn’t punch anyone, kept his pants on, gave an original answer and didn’t try to have sex with all of the Fox & Friends.
If Williams wants to pop off every two decades, let him. No Democrat or Republican is going to change a vote because “Ya know, Hank Williams Jr. makes a lot of sense.”
Besides, nobody rhymes “Philadelphia” and “night” quite like Hank.
Contact Jeff Girod at firstname.lastname@example.org.