By Allen David
A 4,400-square-foot ranch house that Desi Arnez designed and lived in after he no longer loved Lucy enough to remain married to her, is being considered for transformation into a meeting and events venue in Eastvale. Steve Altfillisch, the son of the man who saved the house—his dad, Bert, was hired to tear it down to make room for a cheese factory, but instead he instead bought it for himself, cut it into three pieces and towed it away—is seeking a permit from the city of Eastvale. If successful, Steve says he would renovate the house and call it “The Desi House.” Dude’s got an imagination! The Desi House! That’s like, Desi, as in Desi Arnaz, is what I’m thinking! Whoa! Full-circle, man, totally! Altfillisch says he is pursuing all of this because it’s what his dad, who died in 2006, would have posted. “It was my father’s wish to keep the house intact,” Alfillisch tells The Press-Enterprise. “And that’s my wish. I want to do something special with it.” In a related development, the Jurupa Community Services District Parks and Recreation Department is in early talks with Altfillisch to acquire the house and property around it. If successful, the department would renovate the building and call it, oh, an interpretive center or something, because, like, Desi? Dude’s been dead for more than 25 years.
THURSDAY, MARCH 22
What? March 22? Crap! My sister’s birthday was two days ago!
FRIDAY, MARCH 23
What? March 23? Crap! I didn’t know the NCAA playoffs have been going on!
SATURDAY, MARCH 24
What? March 24? Crap! What else can I be forgetting???
SUNDAY, MARCH 25
Although I have never eaten at Jean’s French Cuisine, not even once in the 47 years it’s been in Colton, the story in the Inland Valley Daily Bulletin about the restaurant and its owner-chef, Jean Irola, who was born in France and now is closing the restaurant because he’s got cancer . . . well, now I really want to eat there!
MONDAY, MARCH 26
Assemblyman Tim Donnelly enters the seldom-used plea of totalis stultus stercore—translated: “total dumbshit” in response to two misdemeanor charges related to his Jan. 5 attempt to bring a loaded Colt .45 through a checkpoint at Ontario International Airport. Legal experts had expected Donnelly to go with the more common nolo contendere, which is simplified to mean, “no contest,” although the literal translation is, “No talking to contend.” But hell, from now on the dude can just say his name—at this point, “Tim Donnelly” pretty much means total dumbshit . . . same initials and everything. He couldn’t say it today because he wasn’t actually present for the early morning hearing inside the San Bernardino County Court in Rancho Cucamonga—a case of limp leadership again. Instead, Donnelly’s attorney—conveniently: Rod Pacheco, the former District Attorney for Riverside County—entered his plea. Donnelly was in Sacramento, slaving away for his constituents. Donnelly even pulled off the linguistic contortion he’s famous for—via a prepared statement. “I have been forthright and acknowledged my regrettable mistake,” the statement read. “It was an innocent and honest mistake.” Wonder how that line would have worked if Donnelly was just regular folks. Doubt if it would have gotten anybody else off with a $2,215 fine and three years probation. And the pisser is, Donnelly has not been forthright. The gun was not registered in his name and again today he refused to say whose it was . . . or to comment on the sentence. How do you say “wuss” in Latin?
TUESDAY, MARCH 27
A San Bernardino County Superior Court judge stops Supervisor Neil Derry from identifying himself as a businessman in the June election, ordering that his name appear on the ballot as “county supervisor.” But it was too late to stop Derry from once against displaying his stunning lack of sensitivity, honesty, gratitude and respect. Did Derry truly not see that his pathetic and deceptive attempt to gain some slight advantage by calling himself a businessman was an insult to the people of San Bernardino who pay his annual base salary of $152,000—people who he has already betrayed though his indictment last year on felony corruption charges, which were bargained down to misdemeanors? Some day, maybe Derry and Donnelly can be cellmates together.