By Allen David
It’s Independence Day, but three men wake up in jail, booked the night before on suspicion of arson and conspiracy after staging an impromptu protest when they were denied admission to the Jurupa Valley High School football stadium for an Independence Day Eve celebration—and you’re getting this, aren’t you? The irony? The art-in-real-life statement about what happens to revolutionaries when they become the regime, the corruptive effect of power, the necessity of vigilance to protect our freedoms, and ultimately, the obligation to liberty that was fulfilled when three of Jurupa Valley’s own—Frank Valdez, 26; Joseph Ochoa, 54; and Daniel Garza Medina, 19—allegedly started that fire in the school’s east parking lot and attempted to ignite the bushes after they were caught trying to smuggle alcohol onto the campus and consequently turned away? So you got it? The three patriots really, really hope so. Because it’s the Fourth of July and they’re in jail—with hangovers—and that sucks.
THURSDAY, JULY 5
Kathryn Jones is an assistant high school principal, but she doesn’t know everything. She has attended several of the retreats that Lake Elsinore Unified School District (LEUSD) periodically holds at hotels for their administrators, but she obviously doesn’t know the importance of seemingly silly group games in breaking down barriers among disparate individuals so they can become a team that can work together—ultimately, for the higher good of the children. See, the problem with Kathryn Jones, who is suing the LEUSD for sexual harassment, discrimination and a hostile work environment because of what has happened to her at the retreats, is that she was not thinking about the children during, for example, that part of one retreat when she was seated behind Assistant Superintendent Alain Guevara, who according to court records was wearing a hat with underwear and plastic testicles on it. In fact, Jones could have learned a lot about what LEUSD’s administrators think about the children they serve by hanging out—if you’ll excuse that expression—with Guevara. One year, Guevara starred in a video that showed him lying on a table as someone pretended to put a probe up his ass—at which point the video cut to footage from an actual colonoscopy. And then there was the time Guevara instructed administrators to draw various shapes and lines then explained that the symbols identified personal traits, including the way each person likes sex—a squiggly line, for example, meant you like kinky sex. If Kathryn Jones had really cared about being a part of the team, she could have put aside her personal principles and tried to understand that the outward repulsiveness of activities such as these were merely the tip of the iceberg—that inside, there was something much bigger at work, and that it had everything to do with the children . . . these dedicated administrators always have the children on their minds. Kathryn Jones doesn’t know that . . . or does she?
FRIDAY, JULY 6
California’s legislature approves funding a bullet train intended to eventually connect the state but will start with the Borden-Madera-Fresno-Corcoran-Bakersfield line, which ought to really relieve congestion—among Central Valley allergy sufferers.
SATURDAY, JULY 7
What does it mean when your computer screen turns blue?
SUNDAY, JULY 8
MONDAY, JULY 9
A Field Poll reveals that 60 percent of Californians favor raising the age at which government workers can retire and claim their pensions. Me, too! It’ll give me more time to get a government job, which is the only way I’m going to have a pension.
TUESDAY, JULY 10
Tyler Clary, the former Riverside Poly swimming star, watched the 2008 Olympics on TV—the Olympics where Michael Phelps ran his gold medal count to 14—because he wasn’t good enough to make the U.S. team. No shame there. Phelps is the greatest swimmer who ever lived, and the latest of them to come from the United States, which is why we have such a tremendously successful tradition. Meanwhile, Clary tries really hard. In fact, Clary tells Press-Enterprise columnist Jim Alexander that he tries a lot harder than Phelps. He says if Phelps worked as hard as he does, the results in Beijing would have been even more impressive. He says he’s going to beat Phelps some day. Atta boy, Tyler, work it! However, when Clary had his latest chances to do that during the recent Olympic trials, he finished second in the 200 butterfly and 200 backstroke—at least he made the Olympic team this time—and finished third in the 400 individual medley (IM). But he tried super hard, and was well-prepared down to the last detail—that is, the excuse he had prepared after failing to make the Olympic team in the 400 IM, supposedly his best event. Clary says he had a viral infection. And with that, we’ll say this for the guy—he definitely is quite trying.