By Allen David
Back when the City of Canyon Lake was mostly a bunch of vacant lots, my parents owned one of them. They sold the land too soon for their own good, but not for mine. In the mid-1970s, my teenaged brothers and I used to drive out there from Long Beach and use our pool privileges. Even then, before there were very many people, very nearly all of them were desperately pompous clowns who saw the gate around Canyon Lake as proof they had something that others wanted. Because we didn’t live in one of the few houses on the maze of go-nowhere streets, they reacted to our arrival as though we were the long-awaited barbarians at the gate. What a disappointment for them when we flashed a membership card and got right in, although that was nothing compared to the end of the day when we left—because, see, we had somewhere else to go.
THURSDAY, JULY 12
In Canyon Lake, this is also known as Friday the 13th Eve.
FRIDAY, JULY 13
Bragging about how lucky you are to live in one of only five completely gated cities in California is a Friday The 13th tradition in Canyon Lake. They also do it the other 364 days of the year—the other 365 in this leap year—although not as a tradition, but because of a personality disorder. Thing is, the numbers they crunch to arrive at that precious gated cities stat fail to factor in any of the state’s 33 prisons. Because the gates don’t give them much contact with outsiders, Canyon Lakers talk a lot about Canyon Lake—almost always with other Canyon Lakers—making them sound like especially insane realtors trying to sell their homes to themselves. Nothing else to call that but crazymaking . . . unless . . . well, yeah, I guess you also would have to call that fraud.
SATURDAY, JULY 14
Yes, as a matter of fact, this entire column is going to be about Canyon Lake.
SUNDAY, JULY 15
What if my parents hadn’t sold their Canyon Lake property? What if I had grown up there? What if I still lived there? Would I know Mark Genovese? Would I like Mark Genovese? Would I be Mark Genovese?
MONDAY, JULY 16
Here is a Letter to the Editor from Mark Genovese, recently published by the Canyon Lake’s Friday Flyer:
To the editor: Recently Gabriel Louis Longoria was seen in here. He was one of the druggies busted in the Loch Lomond drug raid a few months back. The POA was warned about it and they said they couldn’t do anything. They said call the Sheriff. Or write a letter and we will mail it to the person that owns the house the druggy is living at.
That doesn’t make sense. There should be a way to ban someone that is dangerous, or someone that is known to sell synthetic drugs, or someone that self proclaims himself as Mexican Mafia. There should be a way to blacklist people that can’t provide proof of insurance and registration and current ID before they try and enter the gate.
There should be two people at all times monitoring all gates, especially the North Gate. So far, us residents have one tiny area we refer to as “Lil Fontana”—the strip on Longhorn by Red Barn. Let’s band together and make sure the whole community doesn’t turn into Lil Fontana. Or Fontanita on the Lake.
Let’s utilize free emails and Facebook and make sure we only share good info with good people. Don’t post anything warning neighbors on a Facebook page that you can view by merely “liking” the page.
Jon Sabo, the new GM, so far looks to be working hard at helping change these issues. Please applaud him and the Sheriffs for this when you see them.
Ninety-nine percent of the people in here are good; let’s get rid of the one percent so we can sleep with the windows open at night. Let’s make it a safe day in Canyon Lake and an even safer night.
TUESDAY, JULY 17
The Canyon Lake City Council just passed another budget that will spend more than it receives in tax revenue—this time the difference is $361,000, despite slashing the police and fire budgets last year and getting help from the Board of Supervisors. Meanwhile, the Council is considering a law to force Canyon Lake pet owners to fix and microchip their dogs and cats. A female resident says she is opposed to the law, yet she doesn’t seem to be sweating its possible passage. “First of all, they can’t enforce any of the laws they have now,” she points out. “That’s what’s so funny.” And second of all? The woman makes a what-a-dumb-question face. “Oh, of course I would buy my place from myself again!