By Allen David
A Press-Enterprise columnist—can’t remember the name; these days there seem to be thousands of them—reports that Mettheus Theo Zoeternelk thinks Norco needs an official city song. To that we reply, of course: “Uhhh, Mettheus Theo Zoeternelk and everybody else who hears Norco’s official city nickname or the first time!” (Hint: The nickname rhymes with “Horsetown, U.S.A.”) Not that this is the first time Mettheus Theo Zoeternelk has heard Norco’s official city nickname. Dude lives there. Dude has a house there. Dude is building a four-story windmill in the front yard of his house there . . . astonishingly, without violating any zoning laws—um, do they have any of those there? Dude, not so astonishingly, likes to drink there. What? You’re still confused about Norco’s official city nickname? (OK, again … rhymes with “Horsetown, U.S.A.” and, OK, another hint: The nickname could be nice-ified as “World’s Oldest Profession, U.S.A.”) While you mull that, here are our nominations for Norco’s official city song: LaBelle’s “Lady Marmalade,” Donna Summer’s “Bad Girls,” Sting’s “Roxanne,” Blondie’s “Call Me,” Nick Gilder’s “Hot Child In The City” and our personal favorite, “The House of the Rising Sun” . . . the version by The Animals.
THURSDAY, OCTOBER 11
The best thing would be to hold a contest for an original city song, straightforwardly titled: “Norco: Whorsetown, U.S.A.”
FRIDAY, OCTOBER 12
Aaron Sandusky, a co-founder and owner of several former medical marijuana operations is convicted on conspiracy and possession with intent to distribute, charges that could send him to prison for 10 years when he is sentenced on Jan. 7. To paraphrase those intolerably smug TV ads for Ketel One vodka. “Gentlemen, this is bullshit!” And by that, we mean bullshit all the way around. Under California’s Prop. 215, medical marijuana distribution is legal through a nonprofit collective, with members cultivating and supplying a limited amount of marijuana for sale among themselves. Federal agents and San Bernardino County Sheriff’s detectives investigating G3 said Sandusky used California’s medical marijuana laws as a platform to create an illegal for-profit grow-and-sell operation—including a 40,000-square-foot cultivation warehouse in Ontario. Sandusky had claimed outside of court that he was operating on reliance of statements that the Department of Justice would not prosecute medical marijuana operations in states that had legalized them, such as California. But Sandusky’s jurors never heard about those issues. Accounts and documents from the trial show government attorneys blocked those arguments and kept the case focused on whether Sandusky violated federal law.
SATURDAY, OCTOBER 13
By the way, the name of that vodka, “Ketel One,” is Dutch for “pot still one.”
SUNDAY, OCTOBER 14
Ten years now since the Angels won the World Series over the San Francisco Giants, who today open their playoff battle to become the National League’s representative in this year’s World Series against the defending World Series champion St. Louis Cardinals. The Angels figured to take the Cardinals’ place in the playoffs this year when they took the Cardinals’ best player, Albert Pujols, as a free agent over the offseason. But Pujols got off to a terrible start and although he finished the season with quite-respectable statistics—a .285 batting average, 30 homers, 105 RBI and 85 runs scored—nobody ever mistook him for the game’s most-feared hitter. Meanwhile, the Cards got similar production out of Temecula’s Allen Craig at a fraction of the price. Is it time to revive the phrase, “the Angels’ curse?”
MONDAY, OCTOBER 15
TUESDAY, OCTOBER 16
Friends of Wildomar Parks formed in the wake of a failed park tax measure on the June 2011 ballot and since then has kept Marna O’Brien Park open, but there are limits to friendships, even with parks, and Wildomar may soon be without any open parks at all. Friends of Wildomar Parks owes $6,241 to Southern California Edison and $9,353 to the Elsinore Valley Municipal Water District and the volunteers say they are on the brink of financial ruin. “We’re not even watering anymore,” says Craig Santiago, the group’s treasurer. “We’ll keep it open as long as we can. Electricity we don’t really need during the day, but once we lose the water we close the facilities for sure because we can’t keep bathrooms open.” The future of the park depends upon an infusion of cash or the passage of Measure Z on the November ballot. However, Measure Z is similar to a previous proposition put before voters in June 2011, when they were asked to approve a $28 annual tax. Although a majority voted for Measure Z, passage required a two-thirds majority—a so-called super majority—to win. The same thing is true this time. “We’re running out of gas,” says Santiago. “There are a lot of residents that see the park and they don’t see it boarded up, so they think everything’s OK. But we’re not going to be able to maintain this pace.”