By Allen David
THURSDAY, OCTOBER 18
I guess I never really did completely stop suspecting Vanessa Franko of trying to take over my mind by using the pop music column she writes for The Press-Enterprise to plant free-will-weakening word combinations inside my head. Granted, I said I had stopped. I think I meant it when I said it. But today I happened across Vanessa’s column, and began to read something about The Misfits and The Vandals signing to headline a punk bill in Lake Elsinore. I was just getting into it—swear, I hadn’t read any more than 124 words . . . which is to say, the entire item—when I realized I have no interest at all in ever seeing The Misfits or The Vandals again . . . and the same goes for Lake Elsinore (been there, darn that). So why was I reading this? And now that I had finished, now that I was trying to move on, searching for the latest report from Mike Muckenfuss—why was I doting on the Nov. 10 date of the Misfits-Vandals show (the day before my birthday, for which there is no celebration plan), and why was I reflecting on how apropos are retro shows for personal milestones like that, and why was I reconsidering the reasons I’d sworn off The Misfits and The Vandals? Bottom line: Why were the opening words of Vanessa Franko’s story—“If you love punk rock, Lake Elsinore is the place to be Saturday, Nov. 10”—haunting me so, running like a hip-hop sample through my mind, their combination slowly working their way toward my will like a safecracker? Why is Vanessa Franko intent on taking over my mind by using her pop music column to plant free-will-weakening word combinations inside my head? And how? If you know . . . well . . . I guess the best thing would be to meet me at the Misfits-Vandals show. See you in Lake Elsinore! And don’t forget—it’s the day before my birthday!
FRIDAY, OCTOBER 19
SATURDAY, OCTOBER 20
The San Bernardino Sun finally makes its long-awaited endorsement in the race for the 1st District seat on the Board of Supervisors, and it goes to . . . Lovingood . . . Bob Lovingood. The Sun says it supports Lovingood because he . . . c’mon, no need in playin‘—you know exactly what Lovingood does. Altogether now: awwww, yeeeaah.
SUNDAY, OCTOBER 21
Employees of Cardenas Market in Fontana roll out a 1,500-foot burrito in less than an hour at the Festival Cardenas at the Auto Club Speedway. About 150 people used 1,500 pounds of meet, 850 pounds of beans, 850 pounds of rice, 100 pounds of onions, 50 pounds of cilantro and 4,560 flour tortillas laid end-to-end, along the way changing from carne asada to carnitas to al pastor to chili verde to pollo. The number-of-football-fields measurement: five. In the San Bernardino Sun’s story on the event, reporter Mike Nolan said the massive burrito “gave new meaning to the word grande.’’ Rep. Joe Baca (D-San Bernardino) was there to cut the first piece of the burrito. Just before he did, Baca turned to the crowd, gave the thumbs-up sign while saying something to the people nearest him. We weren’t close enough to hear, but we think Baca said “Pull my thumb!” What happened next likely redefined the word pedo.
MONDAY, OCTOBER 22
So, maybe they’re not gonna get you, suckah! Critical habitat for the Santa Ana sucker fish is preserved in federal court today when a judge upholds the federal Fish and Wildlife Service’s decision to set aside stretches of the Santa Ana River and other Southern California waterways. Going in, the fish appeared to be the underdog. A coalition of 12 Inland Empire water agencies ganged up against the little water critter two years ago, putting together an expensive and impressive argument that the habitat designation could jeopardize people’s access to drinking water. At an October 2011 congressional hearing in Highland, the water agencies testified that it could cost residents 125,800 acre feet of water per year and require ratepayers to spend more than $3 billion annually to import water from the Sacramento-San Joaquin Delta. So who’s the suckah, now? Douglas Headrick, general manager of San Bernardino Valley Municipal Water District, seems to be telling the San Bernardino Sun that it’s all of us: “We are obviously troubled by the court’s decision, which appears to give free reign to federal agencies to interpret scientific information however they see fit, regardless of the inconsistencies, contradictions, omissions or gaps in the data they use to support their arguments.” Damn-right Headrick is bummed. That’s the skill set that got him his job.
TUESDAY, OCTOBER 23
The Day of Dilemma approaches: I hate Kobe Bryant. I love Steve Nash. Do I root for or against the Lakers? Uhhhhh . . . Vanessa?