¡Ask A Mexican!
By Gustavo Arellano
—El De Orgullo Herido
Dear He of Wounded Pride: Kudos to you for not taking the elitist route like so many of your New Mexicans, who claim to trace their ancestry back to the conquistadors and thus differentiate between their supposedly pure, superior Castilian blood and that of the dirty surumatos when the topic of the pendejos of our raza comes up. You could’ve told your nietos that they’re New Mexicans and their antagonizers are new Mexicans who are inherently pendejos, and that would’ve been that—but you understand that idiots are idiots, and that Mexican culture as a whole is something worth appreciating. Unfortunately, your grandchildren are at a point in their vidas where everything Mexican around them seems to be trash, and the American melting pot furnace guarantees they’ll eventually only care about their ethnicity symbolically. Solution? Show them otherwise—expose them to positive representations of the culture, whether music, literature or film. Have them get mentored by successful Mexis. Continue your pláticas about your life. It might take four years of belonging to MEChA to fully turn them into appreciating their culture, but no pocho is a lost cause forever—just look at Linda Rondstadt, who was once a roller-skating disco bunny and now never leaves home without belting ranchera songs.
What do Mexicans like yourself think of the movie Machete?
Dear Gabacho Asustado: Prophecy. And Lindsey’s Lohan’s chichis.
In my limited education, I somewhat remember in history class that the Spanish built large ships and great armies that they used to conquer a portion of the New World. In the New World part of which is now called Mexico, there were native people who built grand cities that are still a mystery for today’s archeologists. My question is: when these two exceptional people made love and produced offspring that wandered northward to enter Los Angeles Unified School District, and since more than 50 percent fail to graduate, did they become stupid? I did learn one thing in school: it’s impossible for two positives to equal a negative.
Dear Gabacho Who Never Stops Sending Me Letters: That’s the same question Americans ask of Missouri every single day. Also? The California Department of Education found that 61.6 percent of the LAUSD’s Class of 2011 graduated—and as I pointed out before in this columna, other immigrant groups faced such abysmal graduation rates in the past and conquered them, and so will Mexicans.