By Matt Tapia
Unless I’m wrong, today is supposed to be the “new” Friday? What—thought I’d forgotten?
FRIDAY, DECEMBER 7
A new mortuary opens up in Jurupa Valley: Metropolitan Mortuary. And the dude behind it, Shun Newbern, seems ordinary enough. But he admits that being passionate about death comes with drawbacks. Big ones. “It freaked out my parents,” he tells a local reporter, and “and “I couldn’t keep a girlfriend.” And this was . . . surprising?!?
SATURDAY, DECEMBER 8
Has anyone bought Patricia Gucci’s home yet? The fashion heiress listed her estate in Riverside County for $9 million yesterday. Overlooking Joshua Tree National Park and the desert mountain ranges, the home is 11,000 square feet of—I’m sure—decadence. Complete with a guest house, tennis court, swimming pool, spa and kennel, the estate was last sold for $950,000, according to the Los Angeles Times. The Times also reports that Gucci is letting go of this catch so she can move to Europe. Seriously—has any one bought this home yet? Can I come over?
SUNDAY, DECEMBER 9
Southwest Riverside talks of seceding, John F. Hill reports in The Press-Enterprise. Outgoing Murrieta Mayor Doug McAllister tells his council colleagues they should seriously consider this idea if it gains support. McAllister believes if southwest Riverside were to secede it would have more control over its own affairs. McAllister later said, “I’m still looking for the first person to tell me it’s a bad idea.” Well, McAllister, that depends . . . How will this affect the Gucci home?
MONDAY, DECEMBER 10
To secede . . . or not to secede . . . that is the question. And Temecula reporter John F. Hill has some great questions. One of them is “What should our new county be named? You see, officials from southwest Riverside County are still talking about the idea of splitting off and forming their own kingdom, er, county. We already know that outgoing Murrieta Mayor Doug McAllister chomping at the bit for it. “Now we’re at the mercy of supervisors, that I like personally but have no accountability to me as a citizen, making decisions about the place I live in,” he tells Hill. And he ain’t the only secessionist. Temecula Councilman Jeff Comerchero chimes in and says, “I think it’s a worthwhile discussion.” Apparently, Hill thought it was a worthwhile discussion, too, so he asked readers to provide suggestions. They range from the expected (Diamond Valley County) to the quirky (Stonelandia) before arriving at two top contenders: Red County (I’m sure Temeculans love this one!) and (ta-da!) The County of Rancho California. But in the end, I think that “BJ Clinton,” an online commentator, puts it best when he asks another question—in fact, it’s a question even better than the one John Hill threw out there initially: “It would be sweet if they named it Hazzard County, wouldn’t it?” Clinton asks. Yes it would, BJ, yes—by god—it would.
TUESDAY, DECEMBER 11
Just who the hell is Sohiel Omar Kabir? Talk to one set of people and he’s described as “impulsive and vague.” Talk to another bunch of guys and they’ll tell you this guy is all about launching a “violent jihad to kill U.S. citizens and others.” Man, a suspected terrorist ringleader just can’t get an even break, huh? That’s the pickle Kabir is in—prosecutors are accusing the 35-year-old former Pomona resident of scheming to plot killings against U.S. soldiers in Afghanistan . . . with a little help from his recruits, four men with IE ties who appear to have spent waaaaaaay too much time spanking it in their al-Qaeda jammies. Oh, and the guy that called Kabir “impulsive and vague”—that’s the attorney that’s supposed to be sticking up for him, Federal Public Defender Jeffrey Aaron. And Aaron is earning his bread, telling people, “There is no clear and convincing evidence that material support was given to a terrorist organization, no clear and convincing evidence of actual terrorist acts.” Show me the smoking bomb crater, Aaron seems to daring prosecutors. Couldn’t the feds be reading too much into this? I mean, “violent jihad to kill U.S. citizens and others” can be taken in so many different ways, no?
WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 12
It’s 12-12-12 and everyone and their mother consider this some kind of lucky number or calendar date or something. Personally, my parent’s anniversary of their wedding on June 6, 1966, resonates with me the most . . . but whatevs. Sure, I’m not against people getting married today—I mean, come on! Talk about a frickin‘ easy way to remember your wedding anniversary—no-brainer!. Though it makes you think: Apparently no one ever dreamed of getting married on June 9, 1969 . . .