Final Word

By Jeff Girod

1
Posted April 18, 2013 in News
JeffGirodBeliebe or Not

It is so easy to hate Justin Bieber. Oh my god, it is easy.

He’s Canadian. He weighs as much as a cocker spaniel. He looks like a young Carol Burnett.

(Wait, I’m not done.)

He dresses like 1987. He wears more brooches than your grandma. Every song he sings sounds like it should be a Saturday Night Live parody sung by somebody with a gift basket tied to his crotch.

He dances like a Christmas Elf. He broke up with Selena Gomez. A Wikipedia entry lists his childhood interests as “hockey, soccer and chess.”

He drives a nicer car than James Bond though he can barely reach the pedals. He has a tattoo of Jesus on his shin. He has a TATTOO of JESUS on his SHIN.

He has less muscle tone and chest hair than a baby, but I’ve seen more of his nipples than most Playboy centerfolds. Forbes Magazine named him its 2012 third-most powerful celebrity, but he could be carried away by a gust of wind, a balloon or a determined flock of pigeons. He once tried to smuggle a monkey.

(OK, I’m almost done.)

He spits on people from behind a safe distance of bodyguards, dieticians and personal assistants. He has more than 37 million followers on Twitter, yet most of his thoughtful tweets are things like “I See U” or “:)” and could fit spaciously on a candied heart.  He invented the term “Bieber fever.”

(OK, I’m done.)

You want to hate Justin Bieber? Go right ahead. Nobody will blame you. He gives us a new reason to despise him every day. He’s Vanilla Ice, Bobby Brown and every unrepentant, know-it-all, flash-in-the-pan pop sensation rolled into one.

But don’t hate on Justin Beiber for his latest stunt:

Bieber recently visited the Anne Frank House in Amsterdam and, according to the museum’s Facebook page, signed this message in the guest book: “Truly inspiring to be able to come here. Anne was a great girl. Hopefully she would have been a Belieber.”

Anne Frank is arguably the most famous victim of the Holocaust. Her diary, published after her death, documents Frank and her family’s two-year struggle to hide from Nazis during WWII. Eventually Frank and her family were captured, and sent to concentration camps where Frank died of typhus in 1945 when she was just 15.

Commenters to the Anne Frank House museum’s Facebook page have called Bieber’s guestbook message everything from “tasteless” to “self-serving” to “sick.”

One Facebook commenter wrote, “Yes, this is the image I want my children to look up to: A selfish, self-centered pop singer that in 50 years no one will remember…”

Never mind 50 years. In 10 years, all of Bieber’s Twitter followers will have moved on to the next stage of their lives (voting, baby-sitting and shaving.)

And Bieber will have moved on to the next phase of his career: Reality shows, county fair concerts and infomercials for Blu Rays titled “Remember the ‘13’s?”

But right here, right now? Bieber’s right. If Anne Frank were alive, if she was a 14 year-old Jewish girl living in the United States — or even in Germany—she probably would be a “Belieber.”

How could Bieber think any differently? How could anyone blame him? He’s 19 years old and he’s already worth more than 100 million dollars. He has more Twitter followers than the president. He’s sold more than 15 million albums, which is a miracle because apparently people still buy albums.

Justin Bieber has been famous since he got his first zit, so in his mind, of course Anne Frank should be a fan of his. I’m sure as the Beibs was touring the Anne Frank museum, he thought the real tragedy was that he wasn’t alive during the 1940’s to stop WWII and moonwalk peace into the hearts of Hitler and Mussolini.

Do I think for a second Justin Bieber could have stopped a World War? Not a chance. They would have stuffed his scrawny ass inside the barrel of a tank and fired him at the Red Baron. (My history might be a little off, but you get the point.)

Or as Justin Bieber so sagely once tweeted: “being creative.”

Contact Jeff Girod at

finalword@ieweekly.com


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