The Rundown

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Posted August 29, 2013 in News

TheRundown1Wednesday, AUGUST 21

Apparently, Syria was attacked by their own government—or at least that’s the word on Facebook and Twitter. Just near Damascus. Over 1000,000 people were killed. Children, women, soldiers, statesmen . . . Chemical warfare doesn’t seem to distinguish class, race, age or sex.

Guess chemical warfare is more of a threat than we realized . . .

Vice President Joe Biden said the administration’s national security team has been in “close consultation” with their foreign counterparts. “Those who use chemical weapons against defenseless men, women and children should and must be held accountable,” he said.

Thursday, AUGUST 22

A day of reflection, contemplation and “animal style” French fries from In-N-Out.

Friday, AUGUST 23

Something’s gotta cheer me up . . . Hmm, lynching?

Perhaps you haven’t heard, but San Diego is facing some serious lynching and hangings. Yes, that’s right. I said lynching and hangings. Don’t believe me?

Today, San Diego’s mayor, Bob Filner resigned as mayor, because of his serial sexual harassment . . . may the lynching commence! (Just kidding).

But seriously, in the past two months, more than a dozen women have accused Filner of sexual harassment or aggression, including his former communications director, his former deputy campaign manager, a retired admiral, the president of the San Diego Port Tenants Association, a dean at San Diego State University, the director of government and military education at San Diego City College, a school psychologist and a vocational nurse. These “crazy” allegations include groping, headlocks, choke holds, blocking women from leaving his office, using visits from lobbyists to bargain for sexual favors and preying on women at an event for sexually abused military personnel. Yeah! Seriously!

Filner told the San Diego City Council, “I started my political career facing lynch mobs. And I think we have just faced one here in San Diego. In a lynch mob mentality, rumors become allegations, allegations become facts, facts became evidence of sexual harassment, which have led to demands for my resignation and recall. Not one allegation, members of the council, has ever been independently verified or proven in court. I have never sexually harassed anyone. But the hysteria that has been created, and many of you helped to feed, is the hysteria of a lynch mob.”

According to Filner, this sex-crazed lynch mob went after him with lethal violence . . . Lethal violence, you say? Yeah, you know the stuff. Perhaps you also heard of the lethal violence in Syria? Filner’s nonsense is clearly more interesting than Syria’s chemical warfare attacks. I mean, only over 100,000 people died in that conflict, including thousands of children gassed, bombed, stabbed or shot.

Naturally, Filner identifies with these victims. He even made note of it in his exit speech.

Saturday, AUGUST 24

Syria . . . Damn.

Sunday, AUGUST 25

Syria, who?!? Umm, clearly you meant to say “Cyrus,” not Syria.

Miley Cyrus’ strange and possibly racist performance at the 2013 MTV Video Music Awards is definitely more interesting than 100,000 dead babies (which is horrible). A twiggy white girl who can’t stop “twerking?” Yes, please! And Beetle Juice was there!!! Oh, wait . . . that’s not Beetle Juice. It’s an Elvis impersonator! Oh no, wait . . . it’s Robin Thicke . . .

. . . Yeah, I don’t know him either.

Monday, AUGUST 26

Yeah, there is something really, really great about nude rubber bikinis, creepy giant sized dancing teddy bears and giant foam fingers . . . But poor, poor Billy Ray . . . the infamous father of Miss Cyrus, and the singer, of “Achy Breaky Heart,” tweeted his full support for his darling little daughter at 3:30am. “Thanking God for so many blessings tonight. Continue to pray for world peace. More love . . . less hate,” he tweeted. Clearly, he knows his daughter oh too well.

Tuesday, AUGUST 27

Poor Billy Ray . . .


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