By Simon Weedn
Bacon. The sweetest and savoriest of meats. Just the smell causes mouths to furiously salivate and dreams of burgers, sandwiches and fries dance in one’s head. The temptation of bacon is so strong, it’s even been known to disrupt the otherwise meat-free lifestyles of even the most steadfast vegetarians and vegans. Some of you out there reading this have probably already put down the paper in order to pursue some bacon in your immediate proximity. For those of you still reading, many of you probably know that bacon has enjoyed somewhat of a renaissance in contemporary society. One need not venture far to find wacky bacon related novelties or restaurant chains built almost entirely around the love of bacon. For the bacon connoisseur, or the aspiring bacon enthusiast, the 2000s have been a monumental set of years for bacon culture.
One need only head over to the website for J&D’s who’s slogan “Everything Should Taste Like Bacon;” that should tell you all you need to know about these fellas. J&D specialize in an array of conventional goods such as various blends of bacon-flavored seasoning salt, bacon ranch dressing, bacon mayonnaise (“baconaise”) and bacon rub for ribs, steak, etc. . . . However, J&D also have a bit of a wild streak and have a few “unconventional” items Mmmvelopes which are, you guessed it, envelopes with bacon flavored adhesive so you’ll never have to lick a gross tasting letter again.
Another great repository for all things sweet and savory is the bacon page over at ThinkGeek.com. Whether you’re looking for your car to reek of bacon with a bacon scented air freshener, or for your hands to bare the scent with bacon soap, ThinkGeek has you covered. On the even sweeter side, they offer both Bacon Jam, for your morning toast, and Maple Bacon Chocolate Sauce for your late night ice cream sundae. The site even offers Tac Bac, “Tactical Canned Bacon,” something you might want to consider for your earthquake preparedness kit. Tac Bac, which is good for 10 years, is perfect for a snack while hiking or good to stockpile in your impenetrable zombie defense bunker for when you need some sustenance while fighting off the undead hoards in a post-apocalyptic future.
However, for the true, die-hard, super-mega bacon enthusiast, there’s really only one online store to go to, BaconFreak.com. In addition to offering over 70 distinct, artisan varieties of actual bacon, which they will ship to you on ice, BaconFreak offers an incredible spread of other goodies too. If you’re looking for some type of tasty beverage, the site offers bacon flavored coffee, tea, hot chocolate and soda. For those in the market for something sweeter than bacon itself, BaconFreak, has, bar none, the biggest selection of bacon chocolate, cookies, brownies, candied popcorn and candies of all shapes and sizes you’ve ever seen. They even have 10 varieties of the sinfully decadent sounding “bacon-brittle.” Perhaps the most convenient things that BaconFreak offers is a huge array of various types of holiday bundles, literally for any holiday you could think of, that might make the perfect gift for that bacon lover in your life. The site even sells a “Bacon Of The Month” subscription for a gift that can deliver year round. If you can dream it, chances are BaconFreak offers some bacon-ized version of it.
These days, bacon has so strongly woven itself to the fabric of our society, it’s almost hard to imagine a time with out it. How did our parents and grandparents get by in a world without bacon-flavored gumballs, bacon scented shaving cream or bacon perfume? It’s a scenario almost too scary to think about. However, lucky for us, we live in a future where anything you can think of can be bacon infused. Where folks much smarter than ourselves, are dreaming up new ways to incorporate bacon into things that don’t already have it. Now, let’s all go down to Slater’s 50/50 and have one of their B’ B’ B’ Bacon Burgers and wash it down with a Maple Bacon Shake.