By Alex Bradley
Hump day seems like as decent a time as any to take up a new hobby—sh*t-talking. I notice that OC Weekly is a huge fan of sh*t-talking, and I surmise we don’t have enough of it in the IE. Maybe it’s because everyone has 10 times more personal space out here than in OC and LA—less bothered by insignificant things, but those areas seem to be more densely populated—are they more popular too? Perhaps sh*t-talking is something for people to join in on as a community or a group . . . hmm . . .
What do Inland Empire peeps all hate? I believe it’d be our neighbors, the OC. BAM!
. . . And exercise, maybe. (Cue symbol sounds. duh-nan-chh!)
Thursday, October 24
The IE has it rough with weather around this time of year. It’s either boiling hot or freezing cold, this place is the Amada Bynes of weather—you never quite know what to expect.
Knock it off weather gods! Make up your mind!
Friday, October 25
Friday night, this time of year, is mostly just slutty girls walking around in their costume-ish bikinis and hooker heels. We took to the outskirts of society for punk rock shows and fine art exhibits. But don’t get us wrong—there were still plenty of scantily-clad college-girls teetering on their too-high-for-them high heels. We even got to see a couple fall down—epic entertainment.
I think my favorite was Wonder Woman falling flat on her face on the sidewalk. This tiny Asian stick-insect of a girl was wearing bikini bottoms with blue and white stars on them, and a push up bra that resembled Wonder Woman’s top, only it seemed to be missing quite a bit of fabric. Well, her ginormous platform hooker heels tripped her and she fell flat on her pretty little face—on a sidewalk no less. She didn’t seem to mind, as she picked herself up and continued laughing and hugging on her poorly attentive male counterparts.
FLAT on her face. It was a great moment.
Saturday, October 26
This whole weekend has been filled with terrible and obnoxious costumes and drunks being even more stupid than they normally are. Another Halloween costume we saw was actually kind of awesome—a dude dressed up as Miley Cyrus from the VMAs performance. This strange mouse-face furry jumper, bright lipstick, short haired dude was twerking all over the place. A sight to see, my friends. A sight. Though the connotations and cultural reference of the costume were urking us at our very core, the presence of the costume on a man really changed the mood for us. It did not fit him, and he looked a bit disheveled, but he looked hilarious and wasn’t twerking on anyone that wasn’t already asking for it.
Sunday, October 27
Folk and alternative rock legend Lou Reed died today, at the age of 71. He had a full life of amazing creations, contributions and love, and apparently died from complications with a recent liver transplant. The Velvet Underground is one of the most notorious bands to ever grace our ears, but Reed’s illness and recent liver issues only further prove that he lived a great life—full of fun, love and booze.
“With the Velvet Underground in the late ‘60s, Reed fused street-level urgency with elements of European avant-garde music, marrying beauty and noise, while bringing a whole new lyrical honesty to rock & roll poetry,” says Rolling Stone. “As a restlessly inventive solo artist, from the ‘70s into the 2010s, he was chameleonic, thorny and unpredictable, challenging his fans at every turn. Glam, punk and alternative rock are all unthinkable without his revelatory example. ‘One chord is fine,’ he once said, alluding to his bare-bones guitar style. ‘Two chords are pushing it. Three chords and you’re into jazz.’”
“All through this, I’ve always thought that if you thought of all of it as a book then you have the Great American Novel, every record as a chapter,” he told Rolling Stone in 1987. “They’re all in chronological order. You take the whole thing, stack it and listen to it in order, there’s my Great American Novel.”
. . . He will be missed.
Monday, October 28
Don’t talk to me. It’s Monday.
Tuesday, October 29
Here at the Weekly we take our pranks pretty seriously—almost as seriously as OC Weekly takes sh*t talking. We are talking fake toilet paper, trick food, nerf guns and making your office equipment unusable with jello and the lot (The Office style). Our favorite occasion to pull a prank on one of our fellow coworkers is definitely a birthday. There was a birthday today; we got to wrap her computer, keyboard, mouse, phone and any/all possessions in streamers and toilet paper, covered her desk and chair with trash and colorful, messy decorations and we even got to find an embarrassing photo of her and post it all over the building, celebrating all that is awesome and awful.
We’re so fun.