The Rundown

By Molly McFly

Posted November 7, 2013 in News

TheRundown1Wednesday, October 30

Less than a week before the infamous holiday of tricks, treats and other crazy shenanigans by youngsters, this year’s holiday ended on a sad note. One 13-year-old boy, Andy Lopez Santa Rosa, was shot seven times and killed for having a gun in his posession—a toy gun. Sure it was a replica of an AK-47 but it should have been pretty obvious to Deputy Erick Gelhaus, a 24-year-veteran, that the light-weight, make-believe device was a Halloween prop. In the past, Gelhaus has been in instances of excessive force. Now, locals in the area have camped out at the scene of a crime, demanding justice for a young latino teen’s untimely death.

Thursday, October 31

On this day in offices across the nation, countless individuals who are normally stuck with wearing strict business attire were given one glorious free pass for office costume contests. It was probably just an over-abundance of Miley Cryus and Robin Thicke lookalikes. Here at the IE Weekly, among a lovely Hermes, a clever NBA “Dunkin’ Donut”, a sexy pirate and  an Olive-Garden-Waitress-Fox (aka “What Does the Fox Say?”) lost to a well-played co-worker look-alike costume. In the end though, our intern probably won when he showed up in a full-body hot dog costume with a cardboard sign attached stating “Dodgers lost, looking for work.” Sorry Dodger Dogs, but it’s a hilarious joke aimed at the team’s ultra-failure.

Friday, November 1

Nothing is better than diving into your kid’s candy pillow sack and eating to your heart’s content—but nothing is worse than the feeling of a candy-induced sick stomach. We should probably learn more about diabetes at this point, but a breakfast made of Milky Way, Twizzlers and Skittles is pretty enticing.

Saturday, November 2

Meanwhile on Jimmy Kimmel Live, the show again encouraged parents to tell their kids that they ate all of their candy, and record the reactions that follow. It’s 10 percent terrible and 90 percent hilarious to see these kids crying out of sadness when something they worked so hard for is taken away. A few of the chosen videos in this year’s compilation were undeniably adorable. You can’t help but feel bad when a silently crying child in their pajamas forgives their parents for undergoing a moment of candy weakness in devouring a kid’s Halloween earnings. However it’s the reactions that end with “That B*tch,” “I Hate You” and kicking the crap out of a carseat so hard that their pants fall off make you really feel the love. Parents take their kids out for hours so their kids can ask for free candy—shouldn’t parents deserve a cut of that sweet profit too?

Sunday, November 3

I’m still feeling the side-effects of that candy raid . . . Sugar. Overload. Hangover.

Monday, November 4

Yup even with candy, Mondays are still terrible.

Tues, November 5

Sure, Disneyland isn’t anywhere near the Inland Empire but I can bet that at least 75 percent of IE citizens pay for annual passes—you rich bastards. Your average day at the Resort is spent waiting in lines and . . . waiting in more lines. But today Disneyland decided to invite a number of social media celebrities to the park for a special meet-and-greet as a part of the company’s newest initiative, “Show Your Disney Side.” Among notable individuals like Mike Tompkins, Tiffany Alvord and Mindy McKnight was also the appearance of one special and very Grumpy Cat.

Tardar Sauce aka the “Grumpy Cat” was recorded hanging out with an equally grumpy dwarf and encoraching on Pluto’s dog house territory. Was it cute? Hell yeah it was. For many, it’s the first time they’ve seen the cat do more than just sit on a couch with a grump-face. The poor thing has been labeled with hating every holiday and positive outlook in life through internet memes but even with it’s unusual facial feature, (not unlike other cat celebs like Lil Bubs, who looks even more adorably derpy), Grumpy Cat stole the show. The other social media celebrities sang and danced. All Tardar Sauce had to do was grump up the stage—and humans ate it up faster than a cat devouring catnip. Nobody cares about humans when a cat is in the picture.


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