By Alex Bradley
Today is the 310th day of 2013. There are 55 days left in the year. What’s that? You want to know why today is such a rad day? Alrighty then.
1860 – Abraham Lincoln is elected president of the United States.
1869 – The first intercollegiate American football game in the United States takes place between Rutgers and Princeton University in New Brunswick, New Jersey.
1913 – Mohandas K. Gandhi is arrested as he leads a protest march of Indian miners in South Africa.
1937 – Italy joins German-Japanese anti-Communist pact.
1942 – Tidal wave kills 10,000 people in Bengal, India.
1970 – Italy formally recognizes China.
1996 – About 1,000 people are killed when a cyclone hits Andhra Pradesh state in southern India. It is the deadliest cyclone in India since 1977, when more than 10,000 people were killed, also in Andhra Pradesh.
1997 – Severe flooding kills 31 people in western Spain and eastern Portugal.
1999 – Australians, refusing to shake their colonial past, reject a referendum to make their nation the world’s 147th republic and drop Britain’s queen as their head of state.
2004 – An armed group fires on a police station in Haiti’s third largest city of Gonaives, prompting officers to flee while an unknown number of prisoners escape and more than 100 people start a flurry of looting.
2006 – A German utility confirms it caused a weekend outage that left millions of people in several countries without power, but denies that the blackout revealed a lack of investment in Europe’s power grids.
2007 – Astronomers say a new planet has been discovered orbiting a sun-like star 41 light years away, making it the first known planetary quintet outside our solar system.
2008 – Jigme Khesar Namgyal Wangchuck becomes Bhutan’s first king since its transformation to democracy.
2012 – Vladimir Putin fires his defense minister over a corruption scandal but questions remain about what really was behind the downfall over a man who has overseen the most radial defense reform in Russia in decades.
2013 – Country Music Awards. Equally as important as the rest.
BOOM. You just got schooled.
Thursday, November 7
Curious about the CMAs? Well you missed one heck of a show.
Country stars Carrie Underwood and Brad Paisley mocked Obamacare (in song, of course) during their opening act at the Country Music Awards on Wednesday night, to thunderous laughter from the audience.
After “twerking” his back, Paisley is led through the user-friendly sign up process that registered a whole six people on its first day.
“Oh it’s great,” Underwood gushes. “I started signing up last Thursday, and I’m almost done!”
Friday, November 8
President Obama toured the Port of New Orleans today, and believe it or not, he’s apologetic.
The President told Chuck Todd of NBC News, “I’m sorry they are finding themselves in this situation based on assurances they got from me. We’ve got to work hard to make sure that they know we hear them and we are going to do everything we can to deal with folks who find themselves in a tough position as a consequence of this.”
The President also says he got burned by the Obamacare website not working. Surprise, surprise, he said he is deeply frustrated by the website issues.
If the President of America can’t get a friggin’ website to work, what kind of faith are we supposed to have in the internet gods for the future?
Irony is fun.
Saturday, November 9
My horoscope today told me, “One way to show your love for a person is to give that person a nickname. With the cosmic forces inspiring your imagination in quirky ways, you’ll think of the best contenders.”
And horoscope gurus were right. I sent an email to every single one of my co-workers giving them amazing and inspiring nicknames . . .
and Mr. Creepy . . .
Don’t be jealous of my inherent wordsmith talent and cosmic force inspired quirk.
Sunday, November 10
Speaking of cosmic force inspired quirk, have you been to omgcatsinspace.tumblr.com? Because it is by far the best website on the face of the planet.
Monday, November 11
Veterans Day is a nice day to honor our family members and friends that have served our country in battle. It’s a very weird and difficult life choice to be in the armed forces. They deserve something more than just a day of appreciation, but that’s what we’ve got for now. Take just one or two minutes to say thank you to someone you know who has served. It’s one of the hardest things people can go and do, and not everyone can. (slow clap . . . build to full blow applause . . . slight tear in the eye . . . salute.)
Tuesday, November 12
Take a break. Google something fun and click “I’m Feeling Lucky.”
Live life on the wild side.