It’s Friday!!! Well, for those who get Thanksgiving off of work anyway.
See how your belt doesn’t fit anymore? That’s the sign that Thanksgiving plumped you up. That’s also a sign that it wouldn’t hurt to lose a few pounds so you can gain it back on Christmas.
I did my time working retail. In the process, I learned some valuable life lessons about how inconsiderate customers really are. On this day, deemed Black Friday universally by all retail employees of the nation, the customers are ruthless. One year, a woman got up in my face screaming at the top of her lungs because we didn’t have any Nintendo DS portable consoles in stock. Yeesh.
Now, each year stores open earlier and earlier. While you many might think “Oh 8 p.m. isn’t that bad, those employees will still get to have dinner and head to work,” shame on you. Those employees have to start prepping as early as 3 p.m. for the massive amount of Americans who trash stores, hold no regard for the well-being of other shoppers and proceed to run over the heels of anyone in their way with a cart that can barely support the P.O.S. television they think they’re getting a deal on.
Some say that if the employees don’t like it they can quit—those who say that are jerks who don’t recognize that jobs are still hard to find. Others might even tell employees to stop complaining, since no one in the military gets the holiday off for Thanksgiving either. I whole-heartedly appreciate the dedication of those individuals who work to protect the well-being of our nation. However it would not kill the businessmen of Best Buy, Target, Wal-Mart and all other major retailers to make a universal agreement to open no later than say, midnight. At the very least.
There’s a huge difference between greed and sacrifice when it comes to necessity. D-bags.
I’ve never shed a tear for anyone except 1.) The moment when I thought Gandalf the Grey died (spoiler) and 2.) When I heard that Pat Morita, better known in his part as Mr. Miyagi in The Karate Kid, passed away. But the sexy, glistening blue-eyed celebrity, Paul Walker, died on this day. He wasn’t like the rest of his fellow celebs, dying from drug overdoses and other self-inflicted harm, Walker was simply attending a charity event. He took a quick break, hopped into a red 2005 Porsche with his friend and business partner Roger Rodas, and they somehow crashed into a tree, causing the car to catch fire. As a tribute, fans have been driving past the scene performing burn-outs, donuts and other car-related skid marks. Smart, guys.
Although sad, Walker’s death is pretty ironic. His public image is through his part as a racing daredevil in The Fast and the Furious films.
I like to think that tragically, young celebrities want to retire early and willingly choose to fake their own death. Afterwards, they move to a secluded location where other celebrities live out their lives, surviving well past the current age limit by harvesting cloned organs—What? They have money, it could happen.
I can see it now. Instead of dying as we all believe, celebs just throw up their hands and exclaim “F*ck it, I don’t want to live on this planet anymore!” and then move to a space station.
Anyway, Paul Walker, whether you’re really gone forever or just speeding the windy roads of some uncharted island, we’ll miss you.
Now that the smoke has cleared, let’s take a look at the damage. People trampling each other in a stampede to snag a PlayStation 4? Check. A fight in a Wal-mart parking lot that ended in a stabbing? Check. People freaking out when an alleged “doorbuster” has sold out—triple check.
If these annual occurrences don’t say enough about the holiday, here’s a new one—a police officer who attempted to apprehend two shoplifters on the day of darkness had his arm closed in a car door and dragged several yards across a parking lot.
Cyber Monday? Ohhhh yeah. I’ll take shopping online over getting dressed and going out ever time. No idiot drivers to avoid or lines to stand in, just hanging out in my PJs with my trusty mouse and keyboard.
On this day in history, a number of cool events occurred. Andrew Jackson was elected in 1828, the first co-ed school opened in Ohio in 1833; but of all of these events, none were more important to the man who gave the millennial generation something to do at the dinner table: Text.
In 1992 British engineer Neil Papworth, sent the world’s very first “telephone text message,” a simple “Merry Christmas” greeting, from his work computer to his co-worker’s mobile phone (which at the time was obviously a huge brick).
It’s hard to believe that 20 years later, not only are we wishing Happy Thanksgiving to the world via texts and social media, we’re connecting in ways that nobody thought possible. Some kids born before the age of the cell phone don’t even know what life is like beyond the limitless capabilities of a cell phone.