The Rundown

Posted December 26, 2013 in News, December 18

We all expect white trash fools to be dumb and ignorant, so it’s a little strange that this one white trash loser is getting so much guff—its like people expected him to be smart and well-informed just because he has a ton of money from some ridiculous T.V. show. Since when does T.V. make people smarter? Honestly . . .

Phil Robertson from A&E’s Duck Dynasty made some ridiculously ignorant remarks about gay people and black people in a magazine interview, and was immediately suspended from the show and the network. In the January issue of GQ, Robertson said homosexuality is a sin and puts it in the same category as bestiality and promiscuity. “It seems like, to me, a vagina—as a man—would be more desirable than a man’s anus. That’s just me. I’m just thinking: There’s more there! She’s got more to offer. I mean, come on, dudes! You know what I’m saying? But hey, sin: It’s not logical, my man. It’s just not logical.”

When asked what he thought was sinful, Robertson replied, “Start with homosexual behavior and just morph out from there. Bestiality, sleeping around with this woman and that woman and that woman and those men,” Robertson said.

In addition to his comments about homosexuality, Robertson also spoke about race and growing up in Louisiana before the civil rights era. The NAACP and the Human Rights Campaign wrote a joint letter to the president of A&E expressing “outrage and deep concern about the recent racist, homophobic and ill-informed remarks made by Phil Robertson.”

It is pretty strange for us to expect such large and real thoughts to fit inside this person’s tiny little brain. He’s already got the Bible’s most prized lessons up in there, how much more can he really fit?!?

Thursday, December 19

Soooo . . . Dennis Rodman is apparently trying to stay alive—not only in our hearts but in our minds too. Perhaps that’s why he chose to hang out with Kim Jong Un—wait, that’s not right. Kim Jong Un is a super weird, awful dictator . . . Hmm . . .

His new nickname is amazing though. Wanna know what it is? The Worm.

—Yeah, we don’t know.

Apparently, Rodman is training the North Korean basketball team for a January game against a yet unannounced set of former NBA players. (Hey Dennis, call your old teammate Michael Jordan. He’s not busy.Clearly.) The whole controversial effort has been called “basketball diplomacy.” Rodman’s trip—sponsored by the UK-based online betting company Paddy Power—is the 52-year-old’s third to North Korea.

Dennis Rodman is 52 . . .

But guess what? Brad Pitt is 50! Who wore it best—Pitt or Rodman? HA!

Friday, December 20

I think it’s safe to say that Brad Pitt is clearly never going to stop being SO GODDAMM attractive. He’s 50, and he still looks as handsome as he did when he was 28. DAAAYYYYUMMMM.

Saturday, December 21

Roll out the wrapping paper with Justin Timberlake and Jimmy Fallon? Umm yes please! Saturday Night Live had the right idea. Those kinds of professional “wrappers” should be on every corner. Super hot men dressed in wrapping paper and gift bags like lean and sweet treats ready to be ripped to shreds? Yeah, I could deal with that. That’d be okay.

Jimmy Fallon is leaving The Late Show and taking over The Tonight Show. He says he’s excited to be bringing it back to New York—honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if he was gonna take over the world.

Sunday, December 22

Christmas and Hanukah parties today. Boy, I never feel like slitting my wrists until I have to go to one of these holiday parties. I swear I must’ve seen and awkwardly hugged more pushy, loud and food-crazed women in one day than I’ve seen all year. Thanks goodness for the Manischewitz and Rum-Wassail.

Monday, December 23

President Obama’s selection of Billie Jean King for the official U.S. delegation to the 2014 Sochi Winter Olympic Games is a stroke of genius. What better way to show the nation’s disgust for President Vladimir Putin’s anti-gay propaganda law than for Obama to send an American cultural icon and sports legend who also happens to be openly gay? Saturday Night Live named her “Obama’s Big Gay Middle Finger.” LOVE IT.

Now, if only we could use Obama’s Big Gay Middle Finger to somehow poke Duck Dynasty’s Phil Robertson right in the eye ball and say,. . . Hmmm . . .

Tuesday, December 24

Christmas Eve for some people. For me, it’s drink too much rum and harass my ex-boyfriends day. Good times. Merry Bitchmas.


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