Past Stories
JeffGirod

Final Word

Ready! Set! Geronimo! As of Sunday, no deal had been reached in Congress to avoid going over the “fiscal cliff” and that could be a pain in the ass for every American. I’m no economist. The first time I heard…


JeffGirod

Final Word

No figgy pudding for you: Six former and current postal workers—calling themselves Communities and Postal Workers United—have staged their second hunger strike in the last six months in Washington, D.C. As scheduled, it las...


JeffGirod

Final Word

We have a winner! California has decided to try its luck at Powerball. Our state recently voted to join Powerball, which is played across the country in 42 states. Tickets will begin selling here on April 8 and cost $2…



JeffGirod

Final Word

POOF! Like that. It’s over. Maybe it’s a volcano, an asteroid or a 50-story fire-breathing, smoke monster. But you, your pet hamster and everyone you’ve ever cared about, Googled or flipped off—they’ll be deader than ...


JeffGirod

Final Word

Forty-five percent of Americans said they’d rather skip Christmas, according to a recent poll. Who can blame them? Christmas blows. The stress, the travel, the traffic, the lines, the malls, the mall Santas, the creepy mall S...


JeffGirod

Final Word

We’re leaving—and we’re taking our state with us! That’s the message some unhappy Americans are sending to the White House. Upset that Barack Obama has been re-elected president, the White House has received petitions f...



Final Word

There’s a hole in my heart—like someone sucked out all the cream filling. After 82 years, Hostess is going out of business. One of the largest wholesale bakers of breads and snack cakes, Hostess filed for bankruptcy on Frid...


JeffGirod

Final Word

Meet the new president, same as the old president. Last Tuesday, 125 million Americans cast their ballots for president and it wasn’t as close as you may think. Nearly 3 million more people voted for President Obama. And, acc...


JeffGirod

Final Word

Imagine . . . if California had a 7.0 earthquake and six days later someone held a jog-a-thon through your front yard. That’s essentially what New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg tried to do when Hurricane Sandy struck the ...



JeffGirod

Final Word

What’s that sound? It could be your bank account getting sucked dry by bank fees. And it’s not just your bank, Sunshine. Every bank everywhere is reportedly taking a pork chop out of your piggy bank. ATM surcharges—the fe...


JeffGirod

Final Word

Yay Lakers (or insert your favorite sports team here)—just be sure to get the game started, lickety-split! That’s the new mandate from the National Basketball Association, who recently ordered that tipoff of each game must ...


JeffGirod

Final Word

Earn more money from home? Ask me how! On the brink of bankruptcy, the U.S. Postal Service is hoping to increase business by cutting deals with direct-mail marketers to deliver even more junk mail, according to CBS News. The U....



JeffGirod

Final Word

It doesn’t matter what side your gas tank is on, because we’re all taking it from behind. The California average for gas last week was $4.66 a gallon. The cheapest gas locally was $4.41 per gallon for unleaded at the…


JeffGirod

Final Word

When I bought my house several years ago—back during a simpler time when we all thought houses in California were worth, I don’t know, money—the realtor tried to butter me up by telling me that a former Los Angeles Angels...


JeffGirod

Final Word

The new iPhone 5 is out and I can’t stop skipping long enough to put on pants. Embrace the iPhone rainbow of awesomeness: It’s 18 percent thinner than before! It’s 20 percent lighter! Those geniuses at Apple won’t stop ...



JeffGirod

Final Word

God save the boobies! Future Queen of England Kate Middleton has been getting a lot tabloid press lately—and not the kind where she ranks her five favorite marmalades. At least three publications in three countries have publi...


JeffGirod

Final Word

Two months until the 2012 presidential election and you know that means? I’m playing a popular new game that’s sweeping Facebook—and, no, it’s got nothing to do with planting virtual corn. Any Facebook “friend” of m...


JeffGirod

Final Word

Dateline: Montana. A man wearing a bushy, camouflage suit and trying to imitate Bigfoot died last week after being struck by two cars, both driven by teenaged girls, ages 17 and 15. “From what I understand, at least one of&he...



JeffGirod

Final Word

Avert your eyes or you might get hit with a penis! That’s according to the Parents Television Council (PTC), which released a new study tracking the amount of nudity on prime time television during the 2011-2012 season. The P...


JeffGirod

Final Word

Taylor Swift’s new album, Red, is due out Oct. 22 and it’s all about the singer’s “tumultuous, crazy, insane, intense, semi-toxic relationships,” according to Swift’s diary which I stole. Big surprise. Swift has pre...


JeffGirod

Final Word

Republican candidate Mitt Romney has finally announced his pick for vice president: Crossing fingers in breathless anticipation that it’s me . . . Nope, it’s Paul Ryan! As a country, we scratched our heads and asked, “Rya...



JeffGirod

Final Word

Go for the gold—if you can afford the tax bracket. The United States Olympic Committee awards prize money to American Olympic medal winners: $25,000 for gold, $15,000 for silver and $10,000 for bronze. But not so fast, Michae...


JeffGirod

Final Word

Actress Kristen Stewart has a lot to learn about groveling. Fanciful gift baskets, Vermont teddy bears, stinky cheese-of-the-month clubs—these are all great ways to weasel back into someone’s good graces. Not a good way to ...


JeffGirod

Final Word

These are the facts. Twenty-four-year-old James Holmes entered a movie theater in Aurora, Colo., armed with an assault-style rifle, shotgun, Glock handgun and gas mask. He threw canisters of gas into a crowd and began shooting....



JeffGirod

Final Word

An outrage, I tell’s ya! U.S. athletes are scheduled to parade through London to open the Summer Olympics later this month, but they’ll be wearing navy blazers, white bottoms and matching berets made in—gasp—China! Oh n...


JeffGirod

Final Word

Country superstar Kenny Chesney will perform with Tim McGraw this Saturday at Anaheim’s Angel Stadium. If you’re going, better “un-Chesney” yourself up with an unsightly pirate scar or bone through your nose. Tennessee ...


JeffGirod

Final Word

Free Katie! For five years, America wondered how actress Katie Holmes stayed married to Tom Cruise, putting up with his overly compensating machismo, his Mr. Wizard hypotheses about everything from psychiatry to pregnancy to ro...



JeffGirod1

Final Word

You shouldn’t have—that’s what President Obama wants you to say. The next time someone hands you a gift card or a smartly wrapped present on your big day? Obama would rather you stick out the other hand and ask for…