Past Stories
JeffGirod

Final Word

Grab a helmet and hold onto your banana seat: Lance Armstrong might be facing a mountain of evidence even he can’t pedal his way over. The U.S. Anti-Doping Agency has recently announced it will bring formal charges of doping ...


JeffGirod

Final Word

Your Mountain Dew may become a Mountain Don’t. That’s if New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg gets his way. The mayor hater is proposing a citywide ban on—not guns, not crack, not gangs—but soda. And get ready, America, bec...


JeffGirod

Final Word

Graduation: For most, it’s the culmination of a lifetime of hard work. For others, it’s a family’s dream realized as the first generation stands proudly beneath a cap and gown . . . But when did graduation ceremonies star...



JeffGirod

Final Word

Can you smell it? Like a mildewed knit sweater soaked in Molson Ice? My Los Angeles Kings are in the Stanley Cup Finals!!! And I couldn’t be happier. Dare I say it—while wiping a parental-like tear from my eye—prouder. I&...


JeffGirod

Final Word

Minnie Mouse just got less minnie. Beginning this week, adult tickets to Disneyland cost $87, a $7 increase from $80. This is the second time in less than a year Disneyland has raised prices. This time last year, an adult…


JeffGirod

Final Word

Yer out! And yer out! And yer out! And . . . well, you get the idea. That’s the position a Catholic boys’ high school baseball team chose to take last week, forfeiting the Arizona state championship instead of competing&hel...



JeffGirod

Final Word

Shh. Don’t say, do or think anything! And wear exactly the same shirt and underpants (forever if possible). Because otherwise someone somewhere might be jinxed! JINXED I tells ya‘! That’s the warped logic used last week b...


JeffGirod

Final Word

Save the whales! Harpoon a Barbie! PETA—which, is not just delicious flat bread—has come out in protest of Mattel’s new Whale Trainer Barbie. The animal rights group describes the toy as “barbaric.” Whale Trainer Barb...


JeffGirod

Final Word

Tupac lives! The iconic rapper who was gunned down 15 years ago and once made getting “Thug Life” tattooed across one’s stomach fashionable—a drunken St. Patrick’s Day I still regret—made a surprise “live” appea...



JeffGirod

Final Word

Everybody relax! Crawl out from under that table. North Korea—for the moment—remains incapable of attacking the United States. North Korea also can’t attack any other part of the world including South Korea or anything re...


JeffGirod

Final Word

Here’s something to make Ronald McDonald grimace: A new study has discovered a direct connection between eating fast food and depression. Researchers in Spain claim that depression is 51 percent more likely to occur in people...


JeffGirod

Final Word

You’re dead! That’s according to every scientist on the planet, who apparently hate anything delicious, comfortable or sane. Take researchers at Harvard who just reported that eating red meat—any red meat, any amount, of ...



JeffGirod

Final Word

What’s that sound? It may be Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood honking his car horn at you—especially if you’re talking on a cell phone or texting while driving . . . HEY, YOU! PAY ATTENTION! I’M TALKING! LaHood recen...


JeffGirod

Final Word

That’s no roommate; that’s your mom! A limp economy and massive debt have forced record numbers of young adults to shack up with their parents, according to the Pew Research Center. Nearly 30 percent of 25- to 34-year-olds ...


JeffGirod

Final Word

Food critic Marilyn Hagerty is hotter than a five-cheese ziti. She’s 85, from North Dakota and, in less than one week, her Eatbeat column has been read by more than a half-million people—that’s 10 times the population of ...



JeffGirod

Final Word

Did you feel it, America? The breathless anticipation leading up to Super Tuesday? Voters cast ballots across 10 states this week—the closest thing we have to a national primary. It was all I could do to stop myself from play...


JeffGirod

Final Word

You’re hated! Or should I say, look around: We’re all hated. In a national survey conducted by Public Policy Polling, California was ranked the least liked out of all 50 states. Think of it, people actually had a higher opi...


Final Word

Quick! Say something inappropriate and regrettable! An Asian-American man is dribbling—what, how can this be?—some sort of basketball?! For three weeks, Jeremy Lin has been starting at point guard for the New York Knicks an...



Final Word

The Los Angeles Board of Supervisors agreed last week to raise fines to up to $1,000 for anyone who throws a football or a Frisbee on any beach in the county. The 37-page ordinance (37 pages? Did they list every…


Final Word

Banned in Britain: An ad for anti-wrinkle cream featuring actress Rachel Weisz has been outlawed in the United Kingdom after complaints that the photo was “misleading.” In the ad to promote L’Oréal’s Revitalift Cl...


Final Word

Putting the “pea” back into “peacock network,” NBC scheduled an episode of Fear Factor on Monday where contestants are forced to drink urine and donkey semen. The controversial episode, titled “Hee Haw! Hee Haw!,” ...



Final Word

Mark Wahlberg wants you to know Mark Wahlberg is tough. Mark Wahlberg is a Rambo-Terminator-Mr. T manwich, wrapped in a Steven Seagal quesadilla, slathered in Chuck Norris hot sauce. Wahlberg told Men’s Journal that things w...


Final Word

Tim Tebow has been te-bounced from the NFL playoffs, after the Denver Broncos were boat raced, 45-10, by the New England Patriots last Saturday. The primetime game drew record TV ratings, with as many people cheering for Tebow...


Final Word

We’re livin‘ in a material world: Look no further than this year’s Bridgestone Super Bowl Halftime Show on Feb. 5, featuring a 53-year-old Madonna. 53! It’s a good thing halftime is sponsored by a tire company, because...



Final Word

New year/new laws: As if life wasn’t complicated enough, Californians will have to adjust to 760 new state laws, most of which took effect Jan. 1, according to the Los Angeles Times.   Want to carry a handgun in publ...


Final Word

2011 was the year of Adele: The British singer achieved this year’s top-selling single, top-selling album, and was named Artist of the Year by iTunes, Rolling Stone and Billboard. Adele also earned six Grammy nominations, sol...


JeffGirod_

Final Word

Happy Holidays! Yes, ’tis the season when everybody treks into the dark recesses of their garage, untangles dusty holiday crap, tacks it up around their houses and on their roofs, then waits until almost Martin Luther King Jr...



JeffGirod_

Final Word

Get off my plane! In the past week, Alec Baldwin was ejected from an American Airlines flight at LAX because he allegedly refused to stop playing Words With Friends on his cell phone. He also allegedly hurled insults at the&hel...