Past Stories
Final Word
Get in line! That’s what supermarkets are telling customers, as big-name grocery stores such as Albertson’s are getting rid of their self-serve checkout counters. But don’t blame Albertson’s for bagging self-checkout li...
Final Word
What’s that smell?! Is someone making opossum stew? Or is it just the rancorous stench of another fall primetime TV season?
Hart of Dixie, Free Agents and I Hate My Teenage Daughter: Are we really supposed to watch this drec...
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Religious broadcaster Pat Robertson told his 700 Club viewers that divorcing a spouse with Alzheimer’s is justifiable because the disease is “a kind of death.” Here’s another kind of death: Being a semi-respected preach...
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Dear T-Shirt Corporation Who Shall Remain Nameless to Avoid a Lawsuit (or for short, TSCWSRNAL),
Wow. Color me impressed. The creativity it must take for a “design house” like you to come up with one entire 3XL shirt. One s...
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Abandon ship! A father is accused of throwing his 7-year-old son overboard during a sightseeing cruise in Newport Harbor. Sloane Briles, 35, of Irvine, was on a 42-foot boat with his girlfriend and two sons from a previous marr...
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Don’t believe in global warming? You’re a racist, you racist! That’s according to former Vice President Al Gore, who compared his struggle to winning over skeptics of climate change to the 400-year struggle against racism...
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Michele Bachman wants your vote—for $2.
“Under President Bachmann you will see gasoline come down below $2 a gallon again,” the Republican presidential hopeful, promised a crowd last week in South Carolina. “That will ...
Final Word
Three things I have learned as a first-time father to a five-month-old son:
Never turn your back on a bowl of pureed squash.
The cartoon character goes on the front of the diaper.
And thanks to “Toddler radio,” I have&he...
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Break out the harmonica and hobo stew: The U.S.A. is officially flat busted! That’s after President Obama and Congress reached an agreement last week to raise the national debt ceiling to $17 trillion. ($17 trillion? Forget a...
Final Word
Run a red light; pay $500. Unless you live in Los Angeles, where apparently paying for red-light camera tickets has become “dealer’s choice.”
“If you paid the fine, you paid the fine. If you didn’t pay the fine, you ...
Final Word
You knew it was bound to happen: The Inland Empire can’t go a three-day weekend or an eclipse without somebody getting exposed, assaulted, beaten, blown up, kidnapped or set on fire—and the rest of Southern California just ...
Final Word
You want fries with that? When you’re Michelle Obama, the answer is an emphatic “no!” and “yes!” and “Is anybody watching?” and “Keep ’em coming, clown face!” Apparently when the first lady isn’t promoting...
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Space! The final frontier—unless you’re the United States, in which case we’ll sit the next one out because zero gravity is apparently getting too pricey. (Have you seen the cost of unleaded rocket fuel lately?)
Last week...
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Governor Jerry Brown hates the Internet and wants to legislate us back to the days of rotary phones. That’s the message he sent by passing California’s new budget, which for the first time calls for a 7.25 percent base tax&...
FINAL WORD
Mi casa es su casa, especially at the Rose Bowl, where a full house showed up last Saturday to watch the Gold Cup final in Pasadena between the U.S.A. and Mexico. Uno problemo: An estimated 80,000 of the announced crowd…
Final Word
Some high school memories last a lifetime . . .
Others have to be immediately returned to a sheriff, cut out with a penknife and systematically destroyed—or everyone faces the possibility of registering as a sex offender. Who...
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Grab the stone tablets and chisel! Another celebrity is doling out life-altering commandments from On High:
Russell Crowe recently took to Twitter to make his thoughts known throughout the land about—wait for it—circumcisi...
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Wieners! We all either have one or know one. And it’s time for a frank discussion.
New York congressman Anthony Weiner encountered a not-so-tiny problem last week when a photo of an erect penis (you heard me) in tight-fittin...
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Round up the kids and grab the keys to the Vanagon: It’s time for a summer road trip! Gas prices have dipped 4 percent recently—nearly 18 cents, plummeting to a rock bottom $3.80 per gallon. Somebody turn on the blue…
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If you can read this, you’re not in heaven. And neither is Harold Camping, the 89-year-old radio preacher who has spent more than a year and a $100 million on 2,000 billboards and other forms of advertising predicting that Ju...
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“Waitress, when you’re done with your popcorn tantrum, will you scream early-bird specials at us? Wait a second . . . that’s Andy Dick! Who? Exactly.”
Yes, the IE’s favorite cokehead was back in the news recently. Tu...
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Osama Bin Laden was shot and killed last week by a team of Navy SEALs. If you didn’t already know that, you’ve been hiding in the same Afghani caves for the last decade where the CIA has been searching with…
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Look, up in the sky! It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s a flying super hero of indeterminate citizenship. Yes, after 73 years of fighting for truth, justice and the American way, Superman has decided that the good ol‘ U.S....
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What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas—or possibly a Mail Boxes Etc. Because apparently the United States Postal Service doesn’t know its Lady Luck from Lady Liberty.
There are two Statues of Liberty in the United States (no...
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Food fight! This one’s in Chicago where an elementary school has banned homemade sack lunches, requiring every class clown, schoolyard bully and teacher’s pet to buy a nutritiously balanced lunch served by the cafeteria.
No...
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Hail to the Donald? It could happen if some voters get their wish in the 2012 presidential election.
Donald Trump is currently running second in a recent Wall Street Journal/NBC poll measuring the top presidential choices of Re...
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Smell that? That hickory waft of freedom, like a meaty middle finger to every dopey hiker munching on a “heart-smart” bowl of granola? That’s bacon, friend. And Denny’s has it by the truckload.
“Bacon is king,” a l...
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She’s a fakerina! That’s according to Sarah Lane, the ballerina who served as a dancing double for Natalie Portman in her Oscar-winning performance in Black Swan.
“Of the full body shots, I would say 5 percent are Natali...
