Past Stories
JeffGirod_

Final Word

See ya, Herm! Once a frontrunner for Republican presidential nominee, Herman Cain now has a better shot of becoming a Kardashian. Cain said he’s quitting the race to the White House “because of the continued distractions, t...


JeffGirod_

Final Word

Break out the eggnog and zip ties! The day after Thanksgiving, also known as Black Friday, traditionally marks the beginning of the holidays. Why, it’s enough to bring a sentimental tear to your eye . . . or maybe that’s&he...


JeffGirod_

Final Word

Pizza and fries? Say “ah-h-h.” That’s two helpings of vegetables for you, Mr. Good Body. The House of Representatives passed a bill last week allowing pizza and French fries to remain classified as vegetables in federally...



JeffGirod_

Final Word

Coaching legend Joe Paterno was fired last week as a child sex-abuse scandal continues to rock Penn State. Jerry Sandusky, a former assistant coach, has been charged with 40 counts of child abuse against eight victims over 15 y...


JeffGirod_

Final Word

Oh the humanity! Reality star Kim Kardashian and New Jersey Nets NBA Frankenstein Kris Humphries are calling their marriage kaput after just 72 days. 72 days? I have luncheon meat that’s older. The unhappy couple married in A...


JeffGirod_

Final Word

Black Friday is coming and you know what that means? $50 cashmere sweaters! $250 laptops! Strangers in “Juicy” velour tracksuits who will literally cut you for a $99 Garmin. Yes, the day after Thanksgiving—Friday, Nov. 25...



JeffGirod_

Final Word

Slavery! That’s what HBO commentator Bryant Gumbel compared the NBA lockout to, calling NBA commissioner David Stern a “modern plantation overseer.” Lookie here: “Stern’s version of what’s been going on behind close...


JeffGirod_

Final Word

Down with Wall Street! Boo the rich! Somebody find a guy with pinstripes and suspenders and shake him upside down until a gold brick falls out!   The Occupy Wall Street movement marked its one-month anniversary this week, ...


JeffGirod_

Final Word

After two decades of serving as the classic intro to Monday Night Football, Williams’ iconic song, “All My Rowdy Friends Are Coming Over Tonight,” has been sacked, punted and groin pulled from future ESPN broadcasts. The ...



JeffGirod_

Final Word

Get in line! That’s what supermarkets are telling customers, as big-name grocery stores such as Albertson’s are getting rid of their self-serve checkout counters. But don’t blame Albertson’s for bagging self-checkout li...


JeffGirod_

Final Word

What’s that smell?! Is someone making opossum stew? Or is it just the rancorous stench of another fall primetime TV season? Hart of Dixie, Free Agents and I Hate My Teenage Daughter: Are we really supposed to watch this drec...


Final Word

Religious broadcaster Pat Robertson told his 700 Club viewers that divorcing a spouse with Alzheimer’s is justifiable because the disease is “a kind of death.” Here’s another kind of death: Being a semi-respected preach...



JeffGirod_

Final Word

Dear T-Shirt Corporation Who Shall Remain Nameless to Avoid a Lawsuit (or for short, TSCWSRNAL), Wow. Color me impressed. The creativity it must take for a “design house” like you to come up with one entire 3XL shirt. One s...


JeffGirod_

Final Word

Abandon ship! A father is accused of throwing his 7-year-old son overboard during a sightseeing cruise in Newport Harbor. Sloane Briles, 35, of Irvine, was on a 42-foot boat with his girlfriend and two sons from a previous marr...


Final Word

Don’t believe in global warming? You’re a racist, you racist! That’s according to former Vice President Al Gore, who compared his struggle to winning over skeptics of climate change to the 400-year struggle against racism...



Final Word

Michele Bachman wants your vote—for $2. “Under President Bachmann you will see gasoline come down below $2 a gallon again,” the Republican presidential hopeful, promised a crowd last week in South Carolina. “That will ...


Final Word

Three things I have learned as a first-time father to a five-month-old son: Never turn your back on a bowl of pureed squash. The cartoon character goes on the front of the diaper. And thanks to “Toddler radio,” I have&he...


Final Word

Break out the harmonica and hobo stew: The U.S.A. is officially flat busted! That’s after President Obama and Congress reached an agreement last week to raise the national debt ceiling to $17 trillion. ($17 trillion? Forget a...



Final Word

Run a red light; pay $500. Unless you live in Los Angeles, where apparently paying for red-light camera tickets has become “dealer’s choice.” “If you paid the fine, you paid the fine. If you didn’t pay the fine, you ...


Final Word

You knew it was bound to happen: The Inland Empire can’t go a three-day weekend or an eclipse without somebody getting exposed, assaulted, beaten, blown up, kidnapped or set on fire—and the rest of Southern California just ...


Final Word

You want fries with that? When you’re Michelle Obama, the answer is an emphatic “no!” and “yes!” and “Is anybody watching?” and “Keep ’em coming, clown face!” Apparently when the first lady isn’t promoting...



Final Word

Space! The final frontier—unless you’re the United States, in which case we’ll sit the next one out because zero gravity is apparently getting too pricey. (Have you seen the cost of unleaded rocket fuel lately?) Last week...


Final Word

Governor Jerry Brown hates the Internet and wants to legislate us back to the days of rotary phones. That’s the message he sent by passing California’s new budget, which for the first time calls for a 7.25 percent base tax&...


FINAL WORD

Mi casa es su casa, especially at the Rose Bowl, where a full house showed up last Saturday to watch the Gold Cup final in Pasadena between the U.S.A. and Mexico. Uno problemo: An estimated 80,000 of the announced crowd…



JeffGirod_

Final Word

Some high school memories last a lifetime . . . Others have to be immediately returned to a sheriff, cut out with a penknife and systematically destroyed—or everyone faces the possibility of registering as a sex offender. Who...


Final Word

Grab the stone tablets and chisel! Another celebrity is doling out life-altering commandments from On High: Russell Crowe recently took to Twitter to make his thoughts known throughout the land about—wait for it—circumcisi...


Final Word

Wieners! We all either have one or know one. And it’s time for a frank discussion. New York congressman Anthony Weiner encountered a not-so-tiny problem last week when a photo of an erect penis (you heard me) in tight-fittin...



Final Word

Round up the kids and grab the keys to the Vanagon: It’s time for a summer road trip! Gas prices have dipped 4 percent recently—nearly 18 cents, plummeting to a rock bottom $3.80 per gallon. Somebody turn on the blue…